Some Random Thoughts That Just Didn't Make it as Epiphanies (could also be titled "Sometimes My Brain Falls Aleep Before My Body")
And I'll attempt to string them together into something intelligible. spoiler: i failed, so maybe just read the big writing
Ok, so this started out when I was staring at the wall, somewhere between reminiscing, daydreaming and musing. And then I made an observation that a lot of the major regrets or big "mistakes" (in my experience, real mistakes are very rare. most of the time it's a convenience we losers like to assert to make ourselves temporarily feel slightly less self-loathing than usual, when really it should have been identified as a decision that was "hilariously terrible", "hopelessly stupid", etc.) typically occurred when I broke one of my own rules.
#1. don't break your own rules
even if something bad doesn't happen immediately, you will hate yourself for it, or get used to it and become undisciplined, or somehow come to regret it
So that's "almost but not really an epiphany" #1. Obviously, this applies to explicit rules, like trading stocks. It's well-known advice that you create some rules and NEVER break them. For those who haven't had the pleasure, it feels something like this:
AND you'll feel worse knowing that it could have been avoided if you'd just stuck to your rules.
Okay, but I think it also applies more generally and subtly too. Like rules that formed unconsciously, or rules that were never formally acknowledged for whatever reason. In the same category would also be stuff like your own personal moral code, or things you swore never to do/be when you were a little kid. Maybe even rules that, by now, you SHOULD have realized. For example, people who don't live their lives consciously with some self-reflection, usually end up unsuccessful and (for the worst offenders) bitter and unhappy with everyone and eventually with themselves. Why? Because they keep making the same mistakes, and the ones who are oblivious to it, end up frustrated and without a target to blame.
#2. live consciously
alright, this wasn't mine, but it does qualify as a random thought that wasn't an epiphany; also it's just good advice so i thought it should be up here
At the same time--not simultaneously because I'm not magical, but more back-and-forth because I'm kind of scatterbrained--I was also thinking about how it breaking your own rules is just a bad habit to indulge in. If you're able to get away with it enough times, the practice might erode your self-discipline. Then I remembered a youtube video with a really wise-sounding old black dude (imagine Morpheus but less cryptic and smug) that said something to the effect of "the surest way to improve the quality of your life is to subject yourself to self-imposed discipline". The way he said it makes me suspect that he was quoting someone, so I'm not entirely confident in attributing it to him, but there you go.
#3. self-discipline will improve the quality of your life
to be honest, I didn't really reflect too much on this one. it just...felt right...also i'm getting tired. anyway look at this:
Again, random thought, not an epiphany, so it works. Hmm...as I skim over this, I'm starting to realize...it is entirely possible that this advice could be better presented without my writing as an introduction. So I will add a note up top. Goodnight!