Life is A Battle - Time to Get Back to an Even Keel...

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We all have bad days, months, even years, but as long as there is one other human being that listens be it online or face to face, it becomes a bit bearable.

This month has been such a battle.

There was an incidence of bad parenting on my part that has resulted in lots of social services involvement that is a nightmare, but at the same time I have to see it as helpful too (and also my fault).

One of my daughters is very angry and cannot control this anger and there seems little I can do to curb it or keep it under control, other than weather the storm.

Sometimes I just can’t shut up either, because what she says is almost evil and at best very hurtful, sometimes it is repeats of conversations she has remembered from arguments between myself and her Daddy of times past.

Whether this stems from anxiety or what she has gone through in her little life so far with a touch of oppositional order, or something of that nature, or a combination of all, who knows.

I’m sorry to have to say it about my own child, but sometimes I really don’t like her, but I will never stop loving her.

Is anyone ever prepared for parenthood?

I don’t think so.

It's hard when there is two of you, but being a single parent is hard, especially with limited help.

And an ex who decides to tell social services that everything that was said court about emotional abuse suffered at his hands was a lie.

It seems to never end.

So getting extra help in whatever form that takes is my only route at the moment, even social services.

Hopefully, I will end up with good things to say because I don’t have the damned energy for more battles.

But then again I don’t have the choice but to battle.

I have yet to read the social services report and see how damning it really is, as have ‘meeting’ tomorrow.

We all have battles, whatever they may be. Its been quite therapeutic today writing this. Getting it off my chest. Life is hard, but it has good bits too.

I hope that whatever battles you have, you have someone to share them with, it just lightens the load a little.

It might be dark in your corner of the world.

But they are only clouds.

There are always glimmers of sunlight.

Just sometimes we don't see them, cos we are wearing sunglasses.

With <3, Hope and Huggs

Unfortunately, a lot of this has stemmed from my own lack of self-esteem, so that is the journey I will be taking - tackling those demons head on - one by one.