Happy for gray, to quietly be

in life •  2 years ago

The day is cold and gray. Leaves are dripping yellow from branches with slow downward curves. I've nested myself on the couch to write. There is nothing better to do when you have sipped your last bit of tea and are a little bit cold and tired.

Some days I look only for sun in the sky. However, I happy for gray. I need a down day. One where it is okay to let the odds and ends of life slide. To quietly be.

Sadness is rolling through me. It needs time to fully pass. With the gray rolled in memories. They are like pictures in my hands. I hold them, read the scribbles on the back, move on to the next image. When nostalgia hits, every image I discard spawns three more until memories are stacked so high around me there is nothing to do but lay down and let them bury me.

I opened a drawer a moment ago to find my friend's face looking back at me. She died of cancer several years ago. She was a woman who brought joy into countless lives. At her wake, I sobbed with my best friend, the two of us clinging to each other and barely staying upright. We met due to her.

Again, it is a time to celebrate every pain that washes through me. It would not hurt if it hadn't meant something. The pain reminds me what is good and what is now. Outside, the fence bears tear tracks from the sky. Inside, my heart pulses life while I recall death. It hurts. This is living.

image via pixabay.com

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Beautiful post congratulations thanks for sharing

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Living does hurt. Did you ever see that movie Inside Out? It's all about emotions in case you didn't. It's a kids movie but I got so much out of it. Joy and Sadness work together - apart they are manic joy and depressed sadness. I forget where I was going with this. Ugh. I'm sorry about your friend - grief takes time and the pain never really does go away, it just lessens. Maybe the sun will come out soon.

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Yes! I love the movie. It is so true how Joy and Sadness work together. I cried all the way through the movie. Ha.

Yes, time. I look forward to brighter moments. I'm grateful for this moment because it will make the happiness sharper.

I love the grey days where everything is quiet and a person can think! I also love a bright, sunshiny day to follow it! That's like the perfect combo.

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Agreed! It's a wonderful combo. I look forward to being lifted.

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