A walk in the woods
I went to the woods to get myself back on track. This strange friendship divorce--I don't know how else to put it--has been fraught with threats against my family. Every one has been delivered sideways, veiled in apologies and sandwiched between professions of love. I've known better than to believe the love. It's the threats that scare me.
Today I left it all behind. I wandered through acres of unrestrained woodland where the leaves and the trees ate my worries and gave me back silence.
This was once a regular practice of mine. As a teen I spent hours leaning on trees as I wrote my stories and poems. As a child I hung from the limbs, testing my strength against theirs. I lost the practice in the suburbs as a mother. Trees were replaced with park equipment and walks with hours writing in a home office to pay those persistent bills.
This weekend was supposed to be my break. It was meant to be a chance for me to get away. But this toxic person knew about it. And I meant to stay offline but I logged on for a minute to check for something joyful, something anticipated and found more threats in my inbox instead. More venom I had to purge and then my weekend was gone. I struggled through half of yesterday until someone contacted me to say, "Hey, I noticed this weird behavior. What do you know about it?"
I realized that I am honest, consistent and true. I am trusted. And this person who is haunting me cannot say the same. Their actions have escalated to the point that others are beginning to notice.
It was the permission I needed to not look. To step away because what I have been doing is prowling the perimeters trying to protect everyone who will be threatened by this person out of vengeance against me. In doing that, I wasn't protecting myself. But others are seeing what I see, so I don't have to do all the watching.
This will continue to be a challenge. I can't think this person is done with me. Right now they are sowing seeds to attempt to sink my business. But I will be the person I have always been: honest, present and empathetic. If I am true to myself, I will succeed. And that is what I intend to do.
Thank you so much for your support on my last post. I truly lost myself yesterday. I don't know another time I've felt that broken.
image via pixabay.com
@honeyscribe Who is this person? You can PM me whatever you have in steemit.chat
You have friends here, some of us might be able to make this person just stop. Even if that means going to his house and talking to his mom about letting him onto the internet unsupervised like that.
May I suggest you save the messages into a legal file? You may need them. I used to work for a legal clinic providing services for domestic violence and sexual assault. There's nothing like having proof of something when you need it.
Also, be careful about your electronic life. Change passwords. Make sure your computer camera can't be turned on remotely. Do a little research on things to watch for. Being paranoid in a situation like this seems justified. Good luck.
Thank you! I will check all of these things. O_o
I sincerely miss being in the woods and my entire body knows it. I can't find grounding where I live so I have to find a quiet place and just be...just breathe...and keep moving forward. HUGS. If people are noticing and they know and trust you, then your consistency will weather any storm.
People noticing is what is keeping me from flying off into the sun, I think. It is a reminder that I am defined by my actions, and when I look back, I am proud of my actions. I wish you had the woods. Do you ever use scent to ground?
It comes down to a basic truth: The only one you can control is yourself.
sigh Sadly, most scents sets off my rosacea so essential oils and scented candles are pretty much a no-no. When I don't have an outlet, I usually blow up like a firecracker and then settle down. I'm in pressure-cooker mode ATM - and I quit smoking about a week ago so I would almost feel bad for my husband....almost.
@honeyscribe excellent congratulations history thanks for sharing this wonderful material
Thank you!
I used to candle meditate in the woods often - still do from time to time :)
:)
I literally came out of the woods from deep meditation today in order to recenter myself from a crazy weekend in a city and wrote a poem about it. This was beautifully written and I definitely felt connected to the words as it related in some ways. Great attitude, cheers!
That sounds wonderful. And thank you. :)
Your welcome ^~^