Why do people get married?

in #life9 years ago

This is an honest question, I am not pulling your leg, I'm not saving some catchy some smart comeback to zap you with. There is no punchline, whatsoever. This is genuinely a question I ask myself, often.
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The most common answer you'll come across is because they love each other and want to stay together forever. After all, isn't that what they say in movies - I want to spend the rest of my life with you?
And all I keep thinking is...Yeah, so? I don't see the connection there. So, if you sign up some papers with someone, that means you're together forever? Well, no, it does not. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Mainly because those paper don't mean a thing, they aren't the binding contracts they once were. They're just paper and if you decide you're done with your partner, then there's nothing those papers will do to keep you together. They won't make you happier, they won't stop your partner (or you) from cheating, they won't basically do anything to help your relationship. Personally, I think it's like an anniversary or celebration – you spend some days being gloriously happy for something you already knew, supposedly: that your partner loves you – and then you go back to your ordinary couple-y life. Nothing's changed, you've just come off an emotional high.

Why is marriage supposed to mean you love someone? I mean really, what does it prove? Because, as I just said, you're not signing up for eternity together. Or rather, you are, but you have an escape plan. If things go south, you can always get a divorce, so you're not really assuring your partner of anything, you're not saying I'm here forever, baby. That can change any day.
So, it's no different than a regular relationship, you know, the sinful, unmarried kind.
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I think people like the idea of marriage because it makes it all seem very serious. Like, a girl is so very happy when her partner proposes to her because she feels flattered: this guy is certain he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, he has chosen her, despite her flaws and her quick temper, or whatever, he sees her as the mother of his children, the woman he will sit in a swing with, when he's 80.
Only that's the thing...he isn't certain. There are no certainties.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting the guy – many of them are very serious when they ask this question – or his intentions, I'm just trying to be realistic here.

So, if marriage doesn't guarantee forever, why do people do it? Personally, I think there are two main reasons.

1. Society norms and peer pressure

Once, marriage was a big deal. It was sinful and even dangerous to have sex without being married (to each other, that is) and very important, it was shameful. Society looked down on 'loose women' and on unmarried mothers and even on couples who lived together without being married. All of these things were considered wrong and much of that has carried on into modern times. Many (especially older people) still retain the idea that one must be married, one must settle down, have a family and so on and so forth.
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So, naturally, even if they personally feel marriage is a bit outdated or that they don't need it to feel good with their partner, a lot of women (there's more pressure on women, but men are victims of this, too) buy into these beliefs and think they must marry, that there is something wrong with them if they're not married. It's in how they're brought up – you grow up, you meet someone, you fall in love, you marry and have kids. It's the thing to do.

2. They're insecure.

Okay, that one is fair enough, who isn't in our society today? So, I imagine it makes them feel wanted and valuable if someone else in this Universe sees it fit to tie their lives to theirs and wants to have children with them (actually thinks they would make good parents) and live with them and basically, put up with them for the rest of their lives. It's flattering, as I said.
And people like the illusion of certainty.

This is my opinion, as someone who doesn't really want to get married. I don't see the point. I believe in true love and I believe in soul-mates and in living your whole life with someone, I just don't see why you gotta get married. See, the way I figure is if I'm meant to be with someone for the rest of my life, I will be, regardless if we're married or not, and we'll have kids and be happy, even without marriage, because what's truly important is love, not some piece of paper.
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So, this is what I think. I'm not against marriage, I just don't think I'd want to get married. However, I know a lot of people on here are very pro-marriage and are happily-married and I'd love to hear from them. Maybe there's something I haven't considered or maybe there's something I'm wrong about...

So I repeat, why do people get married?

Sort:  

This is a question I ask myself almost every day. Most marriages are unhappy and end in horrific divorces. I understand that people believe that they are the exception and they will have the fairy tale ending but all the evidence suggests otherwise...
Of course all of this logic goes out the window as soon as you meet the person you think is the "one". Sigh.
Thanks @honeydew for sharing. Great thought provoking piece that has earned an up vote from me :)
Luke
Mr Water Geek

True, 'cause logic never had much to do with love, did it? Still, it's dumb...I mean, why do you need that security, to know you're tied to someone? Why not just be together until you don't want to anymore and if that moment never comes, well, that's just great.
Thanks for reading!

There are so many types of love...friendship, puppy and lustful. Some people think they are in love. Perhaps they are in love with the idea of love. But when you do meet your soul mate, the person you know you can not live without, then you get married for all the right reasons. Not for peer pressure, not for the fear of being alone, but for the deep lasting love and respect you have for the person you want to marry.

You have a point, I suppose, and perhaps it is so. Like in so many other things, one can't truly know unless he's been there :) Thank you for reading!

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