new years resolutions

not really sure why, i've been too lethargic as of late. i have no idea how that happened. it's like my soul felt so empty for the past few days. in this vegetable state. perhaps some people would call that depression. i think mostly i'm just... being neurotic. most of the time, when i write, i seem to write my neurosis away. but i just couldn't be bothered with the expression of thoughts and feelings into words. i enjoyed wallowing in it. this self-pity and god knows what. not attempting to connect with the outer world, just living in my own world. i repeat things in my head over and over again. the good times, the bad times, and the tiniest memory from all corners of my life surfaced. this nostalgia creeps up on me, and digs up all the skeletons. and you wonder where did the time go. we are growing up in light years. way too fast for us to digest and comprehend.

i can't help myself but started seeing all these negative traits of people. and i felt like losing faith in them. i ignored the big picture. i skimmed through words that i read and heard, not really absorbing any of it. none of it concerns me. it's a blank page. not to mention, the slightest nudge pushed me over the hurdle and i fell into tears. i confronted my sadness. as most of you know, i rarely become angry. i laugh off everything. but trust me, it builds up within you, these small matters, whether you like it or not. and one day, it will be triggered and you will explode. few people have witnessed that with me, and it's not pretty. call me crazy and self-absorbed. i am. it's time to face your flaws and strengths. it's a new year, and time to present you my new year resolutions:

1. instill more discipline into my life.
2. expand and branch out - seek authentic experiences where i can learn and grow.
3. cut down on smoking, vaping whatever.
4. drink more water, eat a balanced diet, exercise, and practice meditation.
5. SLEEP. 8 hours a day.
6. be better with finances, avoid unnecessary impulse buying.
7. nurture relationships (with people). they require consistent maintenance.
8. never lose faith in anything. call me an idealist but i am young and perhaps, the world just might need more of us.

i am fine now. the energy that escaped me has returned. i realized no one is perfect. the next best thing we can do is to find people who will put up with our imperfection and still love us for who we are. and we should do the same. never cease to learn. never cease to let things amaze you. don't let that fire within you die. don't you ever dare to do that. it's the zest for life, and if you stop having that zest, you might as well die. also, don't lack the generosity of spirit. always give, willingly and gladly. not as if you're out for deeds and favors. don't stop trying, but do pause to smell the roses once in a while. it will do you good. look around you. is this all? or do you see infinite possibilities around you?

albert camus once said,

"What is happiness except the simple harmony between man and the life he lives."

love your family and friends. love the life you live. share it with loved ones. but above all, love yourself. always maintain that equilibrium. that's the secret to happiness. being happy is an emotion of the moment, but true happiness derives from experiencing both sadness and joy, but you somehow managed to find the harmony and flow with it...