What is LOVE?

in #life6 years ago

Since this is Valentine's Day, I thought I would bring up the question of love.
I've heard many definitions of what people think love is and would like to hear your opinion.

hands-heart_640.jpgsorce: pixabay.com CC0

Resurrected from an old forum of mine:
Some people say that love is unconditional. If that were true, then why is it that we can love someone and then fall out of love? For instance: (1.) A parent loves a child, but when that child grows up and displeases the parent, the parent disowns the child. (2.) A couple is madly in love; they get married; then a few years later they go through a bitter divorce. Clearly, in both cases, love existed, and then it did not. This is definitely not unconditional, otherwise the love would continue forever. Would you say that in the above examples, there really was no love there in the first place? Is it possible that parents can give birth to and raise a child, believing the whole time that they love this child but in actual fact do not? Given the exploding number of divorces in North America, are you telling me that there is hardly any true love any more?

Could it be that love is in fact just an emotional response to validation? For example: From the time a child is old enough to interact with its parents, the child’s primary goal is to obtain acceptance from his or her parents. The child wants attention, and will do all sorts of things to get it. If results are obtained from positive behaviors, the child will likely continue to strive to behave in a way that pleases its parents. If, however, the child does not get attention from positive behaviors, the child will start experimenting with negative behaviors. That usually gets a reaction, and any reaction from the child’s parents is better than none! This quest for attention is in fact a quest to be recognized, or validated, and it is a need that never seems to go away, even as an adult. Even the parent wants something from the child. The parent finds importance, or validation from the fact that the child is totally dependent on the parent. This dependence fulfills the parent’s need for validation, and gives the parent a warm and cozy feeling. That feeling is the emotional bond to the child. As the child grows and becomes more independent, the bonds of dependence (love) must be replaced by something else. This is usually accomplished by a continued good relationship such as that between a spouse or good friend. If the relationship becomes soured, then the validation is gone, and the love dies.

So, can this ‘chemistry’ that is so often referred to in a relationship in fact be just a combination of physical attraction and an emotional reaction to being validated by another person? When someone makes you feel ‘special’ you feel that you are important to that person, and that validates your existence. That emotional connection binds you in what we call love.

When the conditions that make you feel validated are removed or missing, the emotional bonds are broken, and love dies.

In consideration of the above, what is love?

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I believe infants and children do not feel "love" per se, they feel need of course, and care for those who provide care and comfort, but I don't think they are capable of what we consider love until after adolescence.

I believe what we call love is the flood of chemicals our body produces when we are in the presence of (and even think of) the person we are attracted to, and based upon a scientific study I took part in I have found it's not love at first sight, rather "love" at first scent as we are generally naturally attracted to those who would partner best with us and produce the strongest and healthiest offspring and the way our bodies signal that he/she is "the one" is by responding to the scent of their pheromones.

That actually makes sense. I like to believe that early mankind had better scent perception than they do today. In this study, did you learn that the scent of pheromones is a subliminal thing or do people consciously smell one another? I've heard about the pheromone thing with insects, but didn't know it also pertained to humans.

It's completely unconscious. So much so that the modern practice of layering chemical fragrances (via soaps, deodorants, perfumes, detergents, etc) actually tricks the opposite sex into believing they found the perfect partner quite often by masking and changing that individuals natural scent.

Oh wow. I was wondering about all the scents we use these days and how that played into it. Thanks for the great information!

Amazing comment @arbitrarykitten

Seriously steemit needs more people like you.

Yours, Piotr

Some people say that love is unconditional. If that were true, then why is it that we can love someone and then fall out of love?

Thank you for the mention my dear friend. And yeah babe, you are absolutely right in what you have affirmed here along your entire article and with a viewpoint with which I totally agree. Excellent and very accurate observations. :)

And definitely, you're also right that this post was going to touch a topic with which I might be interested in weighing. In fact, a few hours ago I also wrote a post talking about this same issue. };)

When the conditions that make you feel validated are removed or missing, the emotional bonds are broken, and love dies.

Yeah! pretty much that yeah. And as the millenary old gandalf that I am, I prolly know a ton about this optics syndrome too. In the measure you grow and gets older, all kind of radiant shades start to vanish between the two extremes. Or everything is way too colorful or everything is just colorless, pale & somber only.

I know you've been very serious in everything you have written in this article that undoubtedly deserves a deeper and better response than I have given you so far. So, by now, I will keep attentive to your reply to know where I should make more effort weighing in on this. :)

Cheers!!

Thank-you for your contribution.

I looked at your blog too.

My pleasure dear. :)

I hope you could have found some sort of peaceful solace and laughter motives on my blog somewhere. 👍

Amazing comment @por500bolos

Seriously steemit needs more people like you.

Yours, Piotr

Hola @happyme.
Love is a quality that each person must strive to cultivate and develop.

It is a very individual and personal feeling. (It's my belief)

Therefore, everyone will show it differently and to varying degrees.

For love to be strong, it must be accompanied by other qualities.

Empathy (feeling what the other feels).

Compassion (suffering for the other's suffering and what you can do to help).

Forgiveness (forget absolutely any crime or injustice that the person has caused me).

Only then can we conquer the highest and purest art. Love even our enemies.

A dictionary of Greek words thus defines the love of the enemy:
" It is a conquest, a victory, and achievement. No one ever naturally loved his enemies. To love one’s enemies is a conquest of all our natural inclinations and emotions. . . is in fact the power to love the unlovable, to love people whom we do not like.”

I believe that if you can cultivate this sublime love, it will be very easy to show love to everyone. But you have to work on it.
It is not easy, but it is not difficult. It is about practicing it.
Greetings from Venezuela.
(USE GOOGLE TRANSLATE)

How did you spent your own valentines day @mariita52 ? :)

hope you had a great blast with your partner

yours
Piotr

Hello @crypto.piotr.
Thanks for your good wishes.
I do not believe in Valentine's Day; and my husband either.
But we are fans of love and friendship, hahaha.
Everything beautiful!
By the way; That day I spent with some friends who got married.
I sang love songs. <3 <3 <3
Everything beautiful!
Chao Piotr. :) :) :)

Hi @mariita52

It's me again :)

Please don't forget to help us :)

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Yours
Piotr

Thank-you. That was a very good response.
The best definition of love that I have ever read was as follows:
Love is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and hoping the other party doesn't take advantage of it.

I can appreciate the extra effort to translate everything through Google Translate. It doesn't always do a good job of it.

Good definition.
In my case I do not like disappointments.
So I always leave a margin of tolerance to the fact that they take advantage of my vulnerability.
I see it as a human characteristic, and I do not take it personally.
But I cut with elegance, when I feel that they are falling into abuse. :) :) :)

This is exactly the reason I think of love almost like a living thing. I liken it to a potted plant. If you care for the plant and give it what it requires, it will reward you with its beautiful growth, flowers, or even fruits. If the plant is neglected, it will not do well and could even die. This is how love also dies when the person is neglected.

Very meaningful post, thank you.

Posted using Partiko iOS

Thank-you for your vote and comment. Do you have any opinion or definition for the meaning of love? Or perhaps a counter-argument against something posted on this page? ... Support for an opinion stated?

How did you spent your own valentines day @happyme ? :)

hope you had a great blast with your partner

yours
Piotr

I'm now single, so didn't have anyone to spend Valentine's day with. For me it was just a routine day spent mostly at the computer and shoveling snow. How about yourself, Piotr? How was your day?

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