RE: Sometimes I'm jealous of others' belief in a god.
I was brought up in a Roman Catholic household. I also turned away from the church. This happened during my high school years. I saw too many examples of people who I would see in church every Sunday exhibit very little of the goodness, fellowship, caring, and giving that Jesus asked of his followers during the other 6 days of the week. I currently call myself and agnostic. God may exist. I won't debate that he doesn't. But I don't think he/she/it is actively engaged in our day to day lives here on earth. Good things happen. Bad things happen. It's all a wash, with no apparent purpose or direction. People have tried to bring me back. But even some of the most devout people I've met still, from my perspective, turn out to be hypocritical at some level.
One example, a friend of mine who is reborn. Totally turned their life around. A person full of faith in Jesus and the word of God. But if someone ever threatened their family, they have told me that they would pick up a gun and end the threat. So, willing to break one of the ten commandments. Ignoring passages in the bible that refer to turning the other cheek. Ignoring passages in the bible that refer to "Gods plan" and that everything that happens is part of that plan. No, it is their clear intention to stop that plan.
And the big one that gets ignored every single day by what seems like the vast majority of Christians - Thou shalt not judge.
So I live my life as best I can. And from what I've seen, if God is real, when I get judged, I will fare far better than many, many, many Christians. Or i will have lots of company.
God is the only one who does the Judging.
All that proper Christians should do is pass along how he says he will judge.
Behavior of people who say they are Christians is not Christianity.
Study what we are striving to do, not what we are able to do. We all fail at that.
That's why we need Jesus.