DISCUSSING FLAWS AND RELATIONSHIP

in #life6 years ago

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FLAWS can be defined as A defect, fault, or imperfection, especially one that is hidden.

(legal) A defect or error in a contract or other document which may make the document invalid or ineffective.

Dear friends, let us begin by saying that you and your partner are having an issue - one that can't be ignored obviously. How then do you deal with it?

Dear friends, all relationship has or will have some flaws and short comings no matter how intimate and strong the bond is.

There is absolutely no embarrassment in admitting the flaws in your relationship and trying to rectify them. Such act of bringing FLAWS to the table and DISCUSSING them to resolve them is in fact a mark of a great relationship.

The truth is that flaws, most times helps you bond more and strengthen your relationship further. It doesn't matter who makes the first move to discuss these flaws, what matters is that you get things resolved with a healthy discussion.

Again hear me friends, no matter how wonderful your partner is or how much you really, truly love them, everybody has their flaws.

Unfortunately, when people talk about their partners, they usually do it in a bragging way, where they leave out their partner's shortcomings. So you're left thinking you're the only one who ever gets annoyed with your partner sometimes. But be rest assured, you are not alone, after all! Yes, I am 100% sure you aren't alone.

Sequel to my preceding statements, there is no denying of the fact that different partners battles with different flaws.

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In my everyday communication with different people in relationships, below are a number of their individual complaints in respect to their partner's flaws.

NOTE THAT yours may be one or none of the under listed:

During counselling class, some guys and ladies said to me...

  • I hate the fact that my partner feels inferior when in public.

  • My partner is not just a planner.

  • My bae doesn't just know how to manage money. In fact, she is a spend drift.

  • My partner pisses me off with his moody nature; one minute happy, the next sad.

  • My boo is the least affectionate person I have ever met; there are no forehead kisses, no compliments, and no hugs most times.

  • My partner is a very disorganized person; he throws his things around the house, like leaving his shoes on the centre table, his singlets on the dinning; very forgetful of important details. This is very heartbroken.

  • My spouse doesn't squeeze her toothpaste out properly, no matter how many times we have talked about it. She squeezes from the middle of the tube. Who does that!

  • My spouse is too domineering; possessive. He makes me feel small and untrustworthy.

  • My spouse is Mr. Know-it-all, and I simply detest this attitude.

Do I have witnesses here whose cases are mentioned above or similar?

Sweethearts the list is endless. We can't name all our individual flaws here.

But one thing i know for sure is that that we all get annoyed with our partners from time to time, but never lose sight of the fact that you aren't perfect either.

Having known some common flaws that we experience in our every day relationships, l shall be outlining some tit-bits that can aid a healthy discussion aim at proffering solution.

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Part of being in love is accepting each other flaws and loving each other unconditionally.

It is very important for spouse who have discovered one or two of the above flaws or any other flaws to take into cognisance the following:

Each of you must learn how to communicate your feelings in a coordinated manner as it concerns your partner flaws.

Whether you believe it or not, communication is hard. That is why it is key to any healthy relationship.

If you want to communicate better in a relationship, then you have to not only note how to state yours, but to be able to also listen to your partner.

As a talking partner or initiator, you have several options in addressing issues.

One is to attack your partner with a list of complaints in a way that shows you don't believe that anything can change.

If this is your choice, then I have bad news for you.

You must be rest assured that your partner is most likely going to defend him/herself by returning fire with a similar list of complaints or shutting down emotionally to avoid further critique and escalating conflicts

On this kind of vicious circle, there is little goodwill, understanding of each other's thoughts and feelings; or willingness to discuss different perspective or point of view.

Now this is my suggestion

I suggest that you look at another option; refusing to react emotionally, taking a proactive stance, and preparing yourself before initiating a conversation with your partner.

May I also suggest that you ask yourself the following questions:

  • What is your intention with the conversation?

  • Do you want your partner to understand you better?

  • Do you want to feel closer with your partner?

  • Do you want an apology?

  • Or do you want to punish your partner?

Let me pause here on the subject matter on communication and look at other ways out.

Each of you must inculcate a good listening ability, you have to be a listener to avoid blowing problems out of proportion.

The truth is that knowing that you are being heard is one of the experiences most likely to cement a feeling of connection to one another.

While listening, if you are not convinced of your partner's explanation, you can politely ask for more clarification without accusing them if lying.

Respect each other while discussing your flaws. Even when you argue with your spouse, learn to chose your choice of words carefully.

When you and your partner fight, try to practice fair fighting - being respectful of the other party and hearing their side as well.

Hear me: IF YOU'RE CONSIDERATE OF YOUR PARTNER WHEN FIGHTING, IT IS EASIER TO FIND A MIDDLE GROUND AFTER THE FIGHT

You and your partner must learn how to apologise.

The truth is that since there is bound to be flaws in a relationship, there should also be an adequate way of combating these issues and relieving the stress or tension in the atmosphere.

It is therefore necessary for people in a relationship to learn to say I AM SORRY

This does not only soften the heart and bring peace and understanding, Remember

A soft tongue breaketh the bone.

Finally, again I say practice fair fighting. Do not for any reason wash your dirty linens outside.

A garbage is been kept at the ball of the house and properly covered, not at sitting room or front door because of it's stench. So deal with your partner flaws wisely.

As I come to a close, I want you to chew this

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A very small percentage of a person psychological make up (say, 2% of their total set of personal traits/preferences/habits) can undermine the other 98% of their make up that is healthy and positive.

Thanks so much for reading through, I hope I was able to communicate some important information to you?

I remain @gwenflorida, I talk for a living.

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Nicely done @gwenflorida......
There's no one of us without flaws so we have to learn to accept each other in relationships...
Nice piece



Note to brag tho!...

BUT MY FLAWS ARE WHAT MAKE ME PERFECT!

LOLZ...
Ally over and out!

Hahahaha
You're funny!!!
Yea you're right there... Our flaws makes us beautiful not perfect though.

A garbage is been kept at the ball of the house and properly covered, not at sitting room or front door because of it's stench.

You are absolutely right. Everyone has a garbage, we need to learn to deal with them privately and in love. Added to our curation list.

Courtesy of @nmalove

Wow!!!
This made me dance round my room! I'm so happy @wafrica, I'm excited. Thank you thank you. Beautiful @nmalove, thanks so much for finding this post worthy of Curation. I love you.

wafrica is bae, nmalove is bae!

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