Image Source

We get hurt all the time.
We get hurt almost everyday.
Sometimes we even cause our own bruises.
With every hurt comes a scar.

The interesting thing is that, SCARS are not meant to hurt. No!!!
They are only reminder marks.
It is wound left unhealed and shattered pieces unfixed that hurts every time You look at the scar.
It is the damaged and hurting YOU that bleeds through to make you hide behind the scar.

Let's take a quick look at the noun IMPERFECTION note that its a noun, it is a major focus.
Imperfection is having FLAWS, WEAKNESS, DEFECTS, FAULTS, WEAK SPOTS, SHORT COMINGS, MAKING MISTAKES AND ERRORS.

Seems to me every one can relate with at least one of the definitions of IMPERFECT.
Am i correct?

This may seem strange but the set of people I'm frequently attracted to are people with extreme flaws People we easily put away.
Reason is that if you get close and dig deep beyond their outward show, you find them to be Damaged Children in Adult bodies.

I once quote

the difference between a child and an adult is EXPERIENCE
Every one has a child in them.

This Damaged grown ups carry hurts that never healed and scars that still bleed.

Why am I attracted to them?
They Do Not hide behind their scars. They let it show, they flare up and are easily angered.

They tell you even if Jesus Returns I won't forgive you rather than pretend to forgive and secretly hate what you did.

They admit you are right to see them as terrible.

They don't claim to be fine or say it is well when it hurts.

They get verbal and regret their choice of words later on in their closet!

Image Source

We have been damaged through disappointments, heartbreaks, death, departure and other pains in the past or presently, whether we let it show or we conceal and hide behind smiles.

Most time, we don't even know how we bottle up these pains, talk less of how to heal and move on.

Pains and hurts should Never be seen as death sentence or conformity for survival.

Pains are what makes us human! The dead don't have a need for pain

My description of HUMAN is IMPERFECT

Before healing can be attained for you to have a sane psychological and emotional life, you need to identify some factors that are responsible for your bleeding scars and hurts.

Let me quickly say this, I'm not a Feminist, I strongly believe in rational approach to issues relating to humans.
So, please permit me when I don't take sides. That said... lets get to business.

Factors are:

1. LOW E.Q (EMOTIONAL QUOTIENT)
I't mean to insult anyone but We Nigerians are mostly Mentally Lazy- always ready to put the blame on something, somebody, anybody !
People in relationships are constantly competing to play the victim

It has nothing to do with Intelligence. Its your ability to manage your emotions.

Low E.Q has a lot to do with Maturity and very little to do with Age.
You hurt Yourself through poor emotions management due to low EQ.
You ask how ?no one deliberately hurt themselves, right?

When matters arise in your relationship, take a moment to analyze the situation (ladies especially ). Its not every argument that has to end up hurting you.
Some things are flimsy and yet end up hurting you for years to come.

2. UNFORGIVENESS
Every religious sect talks about this. Medical practitioners talk about it too.
We say it every day but it's hard to practice (I'm guilty too).

For a couple of years, I was bitter against an ex and I suffered migraine headaches for those years. I mean unyielding migraine that never responded to drugs. I never knew.
The day I let go, I began to sleep long, had better appetite and no migraine. It was confirmed medically.

if you don't forgive and mean it, everytime you see the scar, you will die a little inside.
What an unnecessary burden!

3. SELF DENIAL
pray, tell me, can you read this message with your eyes closed ? But You want to heal with your heart closed to the root of the hurt.

You're only human!
Nothing but a tiny little bundle of Imperfection.

You're not artifact that stays for years changing not.

You're dynamic, reacting to all forms of interaction in your own unique way

Why deny the hurt?
Why deny that you need to deal with the hurt?

The overused cliche now are I'll be fine and it is well

Arrrrrrrrggggh!

Who are you deceiving? The hurt will go nowhere.
One day, one moment, at one time, you'll break you're bound by season and time to hurt, why deny it?

You hurt, you hide behind your smile or even bully (men especially ) to hide your hurt and portray a perfect picture when your fingers boast that even they are unequal.

Why don't we grab a pair of scissors and snip them equal? Huh?

Please take the next minute to look within YOU.

It did, it does hurt.

4:UNREALISTIC APPROACH TO HEALING
This is almost like self denial except that in this case, you actually tried to Heal.

Few years back, I developed a healing process I called grieving season
Please don't get me wrong, i'm not saying you should gather sorrow.
I didn't lose anyone to death, I didn't fall out of love... I just saw a need to mourn the child in me, one that was always bullied.

I was settling a fight between a bully and the other child when it flashed back to my days in school.
I felt the tear, I excused myself and I cried me silly.

Sounds crazy huh!

I was listening to Stephen With a ph on the radio few weeks back and he said

we are insensitive to the child in us that wants relief.
We often deny the power of healing found through grieving.

When I see people cry, I don't tell sermons as to why they should not, I encourage them to let it all out.

When you cry, nothing will be left inside to come back and hunt you.
You will find Peace!
Now, enough of the imperfection analysis

Let's attain Imperfect perfection to heal

You can NEVER be perfect- yes!
but, you can attain a perfect Imperfection. This means you can be perfect without denying the fact that you are Imperfect.

Confused?
This means you can HEAL and also protect yourself from exposure to hurts.
Means you can wear your scars with pride. You can look at the memory and laugh genuinely.

So...

Let's get perfect!

1. Take responsibility for your emotions. It's not every offense that has to hurt.

2. Know when to say NO and mean it. You're only human, you can't please the one you love all the time.

3. When the child in you cries for relief, please don't ignore.
   Mourn the hatchet, then bury it for good (it's not just the child in us, the memories of adulthood also comes )

4. Never go walking down a dead end. It's hurts all over again. If it didn't work before, the new version will be deadly. (Unless the reason you quit before is worth revisiting ).

5. Don't form badoo Be yourself. On a lighter note, some couples can't even fart in each other's presence. Please fart, say "I'm sorry" and laugh over it.

6. Write down your negatives and weaknesses from time to time and write positives beside them.
   Set REALISTIC goals on how to become better through them.

7. Embrace your scars. You went through but You survived! You healed! Talk about it freely.

8. Don't, do not ever expect too much from those you love.
   Remember, they are also Humans.
   You don't get disappointed when you don't expect perfection.

I capitalize this year 2018 on number 8 and I'm still working on it.

Men hurt too, so I'll dedicate 9 to the men. In fact, sometimes men hurt more than women but they tend to "manage and conceal" it better, so many men fall victim to self denial.

1. Deal with it.
   Whichever way works for you, please deal with it. Don't let EGO trap you. If you deny the existence of the pain, you become either a bully or easily irritated.
   Bad news is that you will reproduce this in the lives of your children, workers, colleagues and Friends.
   There goes another damaged generation.

Please cry, talk, pray - whatever. Just Deal with it.

Note: drinking and sex is not dealing with it, it's hiding it

Image Source

Time will never heal you. That's a lie from the pit of hell.

Time only gives you the minute, hour, day, month or year to seek healing for yourself or healing comes to you.
The power to heal also lies in you admitting the hurt and deciding to move on.
You are who you are.

Be you! Love you! Listen to you!

Letting go isn't as easy as the words but It is the perfect experience of peace.
I am not perfect but I am becoming Imperfectly perfect everyday.
I am only human.

I am Agunanne Gwenflorida Oluchi and I love you just the way you are.

I believe some of us are yet to get all the messages so I'll wait a while... I need your questions as well your contributions and comments.

I am @gwenflorida, i talk for a living.