12 hours out of mind in a row! How to stop? what things to sacrifice?

Timings happen for reasons, dangling bathroom spiders seem to know this?! every time i hit a fork road guarantee long leg baby dangle spiders appear from ceilings. Sounds mental i know, but i keep diary of these things, it just weird...timing is everything, spiders seem to have something to do with pre-warnings.

So now 3 prong fork road, which path to take? knowledge love or money. If i choose knowledge i achieve another notch towards my dream! and who knows what happens next! BUT, i lose love and money. Money meh, but less and less love year by year via deaths or movements etc, should i pay more love prices to keep persuing knowledge in hope that it may or may not all come back together one day?

If i choose money i lose knowledge, stuck in life cycle no dreams achieved but i will have love and money. Am not yet sure how happy this would make me in the long run, what is point of living if you do not dream of a future... questionable but also if i choose money i can stay surrounded by friends and love, this means a lot to me, is it worth price to pay knowledge and dreams in exchange for love and money.

If choose love, i dont even know what that means. It is some ultimate dream urge i always wanted since i was baby i always feel like i never had for long until it was lost, always coming going coming going, have no idea how to keep love, life has been messy it has been very rare. This time love is not the one leaving me, i could stay for love be surrounded by friends and love but this leads back to surrender knowledge and self dreams then only i have one dream left, love. And what if that fails in years? i be me, old, alone, no love and no dreams, no knowledge.

So should i selfish? How do people think? How do people make decisions that ensures they at least get love money happyness...you see i say happyness because knowledge is what makes me happy. Wanting to help brains and fix things is what i love doing what i dream. But this is dream after love.
So perhaps i would say
LOVE
KNOWLEDGE
MONEY
In that order.

Thinking if can do all at once, but always hitting broken chains unable to fix ... but then love is not really solution, it doesnt help roof over head, it doesnt help people or learn things for progress.... but it does save my brain. just mine. It all my brain ever wanted. but how selfish is that. So then i go back to thinking forget about love completely, concentrate solely on knowledge and progress to help other humans that was how all this started. no love for so so long you just give up and make a plan. Plan just about to kick off and love appears, throws and spanner in works.

Now i feel why fuck i should keep bother to always do something for making other people happy when i so miserable all the time, why should i give up on my chance for love just to get knowledge....its looking like i need to chose: Love & money or money & knowledge.

Now i torment for hours and hours. deciding thinking. i have 2 weeks to plan entire life again knowing im the worst decision maker ever! So........