Supporting my Dysmorphia, this mental disorder that few know ... #StoryTime

Every day that passed I asked myself: what's wrong with me?, I'm worthless?, I do not deserve that people love me?, really since very small people have created thousands of insecurities in me... A few months ago I would not know what to do or how to cope with things, but today I am ready to get up and be happy for who I am and how I am, this is my story...

Entering high school is a drastic change for all teenagers, it's a new stage in life, many changes in society and in your body and there I was... Carol, a thirteen-year-old teenager, where I hit bottom with body dysmorphia.
For those who do not know, body dysmorphia is excessive concern for the physical or appearance.

SO IT BEGINS

Years ago I had been rejected many times by my physique, my "childhood fatness", I did not have the best food order and I was not very interested in how I looked; For me to be happy and able to eat what I wanted, it was the important thing (I still feel it), many people made fun of me and as the years passed I felt that I was alone, and that's how it was... little by little they were moving away from me or made destructive criticisms, which for a girl, was not easy to bear.

The stage of development came into my life, my body begins to change, I begin to see changes that would be satisfactory for me and for other people, I think, since those people who made fun were the same ones who told me that "I was beautiful" and "that the change tended me well", I do not complain, it was really accepting me.

Time passed, I have always characterized myself as being a strong person, although inside I am very weak; I felt pleased with myself and safe.
One day sharing with a group of friends during school hours (I characterized myself for meddling in the privacy of the phone), I saw a message about me:

• I like Carol's drastic change, she looks so different, but, she has to pray a lot to become as pretty as she believes her!

In a second my self-esteem went to the floor, I felt so bad, that I had to make a decision, change my lifestyle...

CHANGE BEGINS

Eating healthy is not as easy as everyone thinks, especially when there are so many temptations, but I was determined to change my life, I wanted to make it "fit" (to be in shape and have a healthy diet) and that's how it was, I began to train and average each food that passed through my mouth, it is exhausting to count each calorie, make proper divisions, eat at exact hours, drink lots of water and control everything.

It was a great experience, you learn to know your body and what it is that you really need... Every day I went down measures and it was more frequent the "compliments" of the people, for the eyes of the world it was fine, less for mine.

Day by day I looked in the mirror and saw no improvement, I felt worse and worse, stagnant, I did not become like my favorite model, I still had little rolls (or so I thought), I was still unhappy with my body.

I took drastic measures, I thought that I would stop eating once and for all my "childhood fatness", many people began to call me anorexic and I started to believe, my mind did not see what the mirror did and this made it worse, I suffered an eating disorder, a disease that I will take for the rest of my life controlling, I risked my health and none of this made me feel better...

THE ACCEPTATION

It was time to hit bottom, my self-esteem had suffered a lot, my health had suffered a lot and my body had suffered a lot.
I woke up one day thinking about years ago, realizing that I was looking for love in others while I did not give it to myself "how could they love me if I did not do it myself?", "How can you respect me as I am, if I myself I do not do it?" And that was enough for me, to realize that not everything is physical is not easy, but it is worth loving and loving as it is, with our defects and qualities. I do not regret my actions, although I could have done better. I give thanks for that message, it was the message of the change, maybe it was still stuck or maybe not, but that message has made me the person that I am today, strong and sure of itself.

Love and love as you are, the essence of people is their inner beauty!