I was married to a Narc for 26 years. It took me a while to even realize what it was.....and I was gaslit nearly every day and I just didn't realize it. (I saw the movie!) He focused on all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. He had a skin of leather, unless you broke through into his flaws--which were always someone else's fault--as mentioned in your well-written post.

I also was ill a lot of times because he sucked my energy and defenses dry--day after day. I was exhausted. He had no compassion for me, nor even knew what the word "Empathy" meant. He said he had no use for either one. "It gets me nowhere".....that was his mentality. Money was his god. Telling me how stupid I was, really was his MO. He disagreed with everything I did. Nothing was good enough. I never folded his jeans correctly. I never did anything to his satisfaction.

One day, I was like: I'm doing it for me, not him. And he lost some of his control and he didn't like it. He leaned on me even more and I realized that the best way to end his control over me, was to just ignore him. I put up walls, I put up everything I could and just stayed quiet. "Yes" or "no" was about all I said to him for months on end. It was difficult. And I became very ill.

I had an attack of colitis one evening and he discounted it and told me to get in bed and that "you'll be alright".....he thought I was having a menopausal "hot flash" and just ignored me laying in the hallway in utter agony as no big deal.

The next morning I found blood in my stool and he discounted it again and told me to get in bed. I became angry, and said nothing. I went into the bedroom and got myself dressed (nearly doubled over), and grabbed by purse and got in the car. Then he comes running out and acting all concerned, "If you wanted to go to the hospital, you should have told me." Again it was my fault for not telling him?

He gets in the car and he ends up driving to the ER. I was admitted and had bacterial colitis. I was in the hospital for a few days and released.

Living with a Narc is definately bad for your health. I always kept a sinus infection and had boughts of IBS.

Now that I'm divorced (some 5 years later), I've had no sinus infections. I've not been sick, and I'm stronger than I was 10 years ago.

Thank goodness I'm on the other side. I hope others read your post and can get out from under their Narc's thumb.

Thanks again.

Peace Love and Steeeeeeem!