The Darkness of My Life - The First Time I Really Could Feel It and Tired To Deal With It

Here is the story not about my flying life, but it is something happened recently which really influence my personal life deeply and seriously.

Darkness of my life — I think the past few months was the period I felt extremely lost,depressed,insecure and mad.It was the very first time I could feel the ‘darkness’ within — how hopeless and helpless I was. As normal human being, I just blocked myself from outside by closing my heart, mind and by pulling myself to the corner when being lost and frustrated. I refused people’s help and tried to deal with myself. of course, such a thick and tall wall I have built up since I have thought and mind, how I can break it by myself now?Just like a poor orphan, I was utter disappointed with my life and even didn't know how to cry. There is absolutely no light and no energy within my body. Just can say — I was totally ‘unconscious’ and I was lost inside my minds. But I know I have fix it.

Referring to a book I recently study called “The untethered soul-the journey beyond yourself”, when you decide to block your heart, there is no energy when you’re depressed. Heart is the centre for the energy flow within our body and you either feel tremendous disturbance or overwhelming lethargy when you close it. I’m still learning from different spiritual books so maybe I’m not qualified to tell you how to find your awareness and consciousness or how to unblock your heart etc theoretically. I just can tell you according to my experience.

First you have to believe that you need help from others and please don’t hesitate to seek help. Once you refuse to do so, you just keep pushing yourself to the restricted area and it’s hard to come back to the reality. Then, shut your minds up.How do minds talk? When I was going through the darkness, I could hear so many minds inside talk to each other. For example, Mind A said ‘ You don’t deserve love. No matter how much love you give, nobody appreciate it.’ Then Mind B talked back, ‘No,baby. Actually you are loved. Your partner is not here to hurt you. Forgive him.’ Mind C shouted, ‘Stupid woman!! He must betray you so many times already not just this time. WAKE UP!!’ ...

It's a common example in our relationship.I think most of you have experienced this but you may not know it’s only minds talking. Sometimes they are opposite but sometimes are in the same place supporting each other. Tricky guys!! They confuse your thinking and how you think about a person you love from the beginning. Minds make up stories and make you believe what minds says is true. They win almost every time. For me, this time, I chose to ‘hear’ what they said but not ‘listen to’ what they said. It was already a big move because I showed myself what is the ‘awareness’. I was aware that actually I didn’t need to pay attention to their 'opinions', that’s not truth! Truth is from your heart and please listen to it.

When I started again thinking something bad to ruin my mood, this time I just told them to shut up. If you try this method, you may feel that it’s the first time you can see through the things clearly and deeply. Once you understand ‘no drama, no minds in your life’, your life can be much easier and happier, and you can be open to receive others’ opinions and helps. Your egos have gone and your life become lighter as well. All depends on you.

I don’t know when the pain comes back if I listen to my minds again. So practise it always. Once you decide to free yourself, you will understand how important to unblock your heart and overcome your egos.

There is still way far to learn and so many things need to know. This story of my darkness was just my recent experience that I want to share with you. I would love to know your stories too.

And really thank my beloved @jankasparec for trying to help me. He is the one to remind me how much I need to be healed NOW!

Sending love your way,
Gladys