My friend @novaatebatman introduced me to the spoon theory a few months back.

I was still a bit in denial of being a chronically ill person.

I've talked about the value of denial before.

I still believe it is the most underrated coping strategy.

We all employ it at some point in our lives to endure something. Until we reach the point in which we are in a more capable place to deal with the reality.

I am now accepting of my limitations.

...and embracing the spoon theory. Somewhat.
Thank you @novaatebatman for holding my hand while I was in a precontemplative state of denial.

The spoon theory is about identifying the finite amount of energy or ability you have.

The theory basically identifies ones limitations and employs a strategy for deciding what to prioritise in a day or week.

I struggle with this very much.

I am still finding myself falling short and being very frustrated by the small amount I achieve.

Being home and not at work or feeling useful has been a challenge.

I judge myself on my accomplishments and have referenced a Cam moment, on several occasions.

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I came across a post on The Mighty by Jennie Smales that describes my position on the spoon theory well.

I can't predict my energy.

I glimpse a little bit of function and do some crazy thing then ultimately crash and burn.

When I declare a Cam moment my family understand the reference.

I am feeling tired and judgemental of my minor and questionable achievements.

A lot of the terms we use are inspired by comedy.

Cam moment is a reference from Modern Family.

When the character Cameron has a crisis as a frustrated stay at home parent. He channels his energy into a master project, a mermaid costume for a cat.

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I have multiple projects of similar value that often expend my precious energy with questionable results.

RIGHT NOW IT IS BEADING!

My unstable neck and arthritic swollen fingers try to do what I ask of them.

When the results are satisfying the expenditure feels worth it.

But my beading sucks.

I have room for improvement for sure.

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I also have

Hope that my current situation will ultimately lead me to my next chapter of my life.

Even if my wrapped hope bangle is hopeless. I am going to keep it. A token of where I started. When Girl Before is a massive name I will have this crappy bangle to remember my humble beginnings. 😆😂😇💃