Grateful to @bluerinse.
It took us approximately 40 years to be on the same page.
@bluerinse is my mother.
She will be babysitting me to Melbourne on Thursday.
She takes me to most of my appointments.
She comes to my home several times a week to just help.
We are looking for a home to move to close to her. She is working so hard for us and travelling so far. It is winter school holiday break. I took our kids to stay with her last week for the support and to just get out.
she's an unpaid nanny / maid / driver.
She is known as Granny and actually comes carrying a basket of goodies.
She brings a surprise for littleblue in that basket everytime.
This can be anything from an orange, a book (she is a book hoarder, has 100s), or even a pebble to paint. Sometimes it's store bought, but not usually.
She recently turned 70.
I am completely wiped out. We don't really know why, but each time I try to get up and moving, I am floored. It is more than feeling tired, I just can't anymore.
It has been suggested I am depressed, I'm truly not.
Considering my situation, I am decidedly ecstatic. When I have my windows of function I have a ball.
I want to live, if I could I would run, swim, cycle.
All these things I did just a couple of years ago.
Now I have pain and fatigue that is debilitating and worsening.
A diagnosis of Ehlers danlos syndrome has shut down so many potential conversations about why I am as I am. Has perhaps hampered our efforts to explore why.
As I said, am not scared of discovering a reason.
We are scared of not discovering a reason, and remaining on this not so gentle decent.
I had a short walk on Sunday, and I am still trying to get up.
Granny has taken our little one for a walk while I rest.
I wish I had just a fraction of her energy.
I hate resting, I want to run. Instead I find a little quiet place inside of myself and silently scream. Just a short little muted wisp that catches in my throat and threatens a tear.
A solitary drop, sneaks out of the corner of my eye and lands on my pillow. A sign that hope still resides within.
I hope sending all my love helps you in some way. It makes me just want to cry reading what you are going through. You are so brave <3
It is great to have that much of support and help. It is just bad that you need it.
You are so trapped inside yourself right now. It is heartbreaking.
I so much hope things will change for the better soon.
Hang in there <3
Ps thats how my dad is too lol, im like geeze i wish i could be like that, ole basterd
Well First of all I would like t say that, am so impressed the level of energy she posses,the Nanny. I am happy that after taking 40 years of the age you both are on the same page, amazing.
Who says you are static or resting, look at the God gifted capability of yours to write a something extra ordinary. You are among the category of wonderful writers. God wants you to express your feelings this way.
Stay Blessed :)
@girlbeforemirror
Did that really catch fire??
As you can see, the candles combined into one almighty flame. The smoke alarms were triggered, and the cake had a fair bit of wax in it, but the extinguisher was just for show. 😂
Yeah that is BullShit, the depression card they try and use as a diagnostic, bs. Theyve tried that one on me a few times, fluking morons.
Ive went through these fears you speak of and sometimes they still arise. Whats helped me is totally allowing the fear and not fearing the fear. Also this vid helps me as well....<333
Im glad you 2 are on same page now. That is sweet of her helping so much. <3
Many happy returns of the day.Now she is 70.I am waiting to see her 100th birthday.
Truly your mother is doing really hard work for you and your family and that's the nature of mother no matter where her children are she can travel and she will make sure that their children is safe and fine.
And good to see that you are celebrating your mother's birthday and wish her from my side too and God Bless her.
But, it reflecting as those candles behaved wrongly and fired up huge, i hope that everything is fine.
Wishing you an great day and stay blessed.
@girlbeforemirror,
That is, perhaps, the most poetic thing I have ever read. It effected me deeply ... and I, too, shed a tear.
@bluerinse ... thanks for taking care of Marg. I know she's your daughter ... but so, too, is she our friend. Followed.
Quill.