On Relationships -- How To Relate (1)
"Useless man!" the lady yelled at the conductor in anger as the bus sped off.
I was in my room some time ago, when a teenager (though notorious and rough) living around came to visit. I was preparing to go out so I asked him to come back later.
He reluctantly left but had to lock me inside the building.
When I realized, I started beating him in my mind until I almost became furious outside. I had to patiently wait till someone passing opened the gate for me.
The next day I saw him and remembered what he did. At first, I wanted to act what I'd imagined, but then I thought to myself, I am not like that... I don't beat kids just because they did wrong, so I smiled at him and left without saying a word.
The beauty of creation is the diversities in it. It's so beautiful that there are no same DNAs and fingerprints in every human being. We must learn to accept the difference in humans and respect it.
People fail in relationships when they don't understand and respect this difference.
Have you found yourself reacting to someone and later regretted it?
Yeah, because actually, there's always a better way.
You must not wait for the action to decide how to respond to it, you must predetermine your responses to people. How do I mean?
You must categorize everyone in your life and allocate your reactions to them.
Your response to people shouldn't be "as they are," it should be "as you are"
Because if we had responded to certain people as they are, most of us would have been murderers by now, right?
People's actions are based on their "level of exposure" or amount of information or sense they have. If you respond to them based on their ignorance you are not better than them. Your response always should be based on who you are.
So, based on who you are, you predetermine your responses by categorizing people in your life.
The categories and responses should look like,
Family - Love at all times
Friends - Care at all times
Business folks/Work colleagues - Respect and firmness
Public - Friendliness.
Younger once - perfect example
Your response should be from your personal values. Your personal values are what defines your true self, and shouldn't be broken because of anyone.
So, no matter how a family member hurts you, the end goal of your response should be based on love whether aggressive or calm.
So, the reason I didn't beat that teenager was because, in my life he belong to the category of "admirers/people looking up to me". My response to that category of people is always the most positive of attitudes. And I want to leave the best legacy possible for them to emulate.
If it were my younger once, my response would have been slightly different because my predefined response is different.
Humans aren't perfect.
Don't be their victim by responding to them the way they are.
Be yourself at all times -- Create your personal values and use it at all times regardless of circumstances.