What does it mean to really trust someone?
What does it mean to really trust someone?
Trust:
firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something."relations have to be built on trust" Synonyms:confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence; reliance
"good relationships are built on trust"
Today I want to tell you a little story that you might have heard before:
This is the story about a frog and a Scorpion.
Once there was a scorpion that wanted to cross the river. He walked along the banks of the river and tried to find a way to cross the river. He couldn't find any place where he could cross. He then saw a frog sitting on a rock next to the river.
"Mr Frog, would you be able to help me cross the river. I can climb onto your back and then you can take me across. "
" Why would I even do such a thing? " the frog said "Once you are on my back then you will sting me and I will die."
"You have to help me, because I can't swim and I need to get to my family."
"If I decide to help you, what will keep you from trying to kill me once we get to the other side?"
"I will be so grateful... why would I reward you by killing you, and coincidentally if I kill you then I will also die because I will drown."
The frog thought about this and then told the scorpion to climb onto his back and slowly they crossed the river. About halfway through, the frog felt a strong sting in his back and felt a numbing feeling in his legs. The scorpion had stung him.
"You fool, why did you do this? Now we will both die!"
The scorpion shrugged and said: "It is in my nature, I could not help myself "
Then they both sank into the river and drowned.
What a sad little story this is!
The scorpion made a promise but did not keep that promise. There are many scorpions in the form of humans roaming the earth. Husbands and wives often make promises when they get married, and somewhere along the way they get lost and forget the promise that they made.....
My friend is currently going through a bad divorce. Although I am also divorced, I am not an advocate for divorce. I have given a lot of advice to both men and women battling in relationships, as I did a course in marriage counseling. My honest advice is to try and get past the lies and the distrust, and to complete the full course in marriage counseling. Divorce is not always an option and often we can learn to trust again.
With my friend, I had different advice. I have seen her husband treat her badly and drag her down to a level that no woman should EVER be on. He disrespected her in front of others and he has cheated on her numerous times. In this case I was the one who caught him out by accident, but that is a different story.
It was no shock to my friend, and it gave her a way out. Fortunately, they did not have any children and she can wil be able to walk away and start her life again. Three years of a life wasted. It was an expensive mistake, and she will probably have a very hard time trusting people from now on.
How can someone that you love and trust betray you in such a way?
We all make mistakes. Often. Nobody is perfect. But if you can't trust your partner who can you trust? Many of us are just like the frog. We trust too easily and we believe that we can trust others. It is only when someone betrays us that we actually realize that that person could in fact not be trusted in the first place.
Most of us have been betrayed at some point in our lives. It made us stronger people or perhaps more suspicious. I am wary of people. I have been hurt one too many times so I do not trust easily.
Do we just learn from our mistakes or what makes us trust someone unconditionally? Is it even possible to trust someone unconditionally?
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I am a person who used to trust way to easy and got burned a lot as well.
My therapist told me the following.
He said:
You are like a house that has all doors and windows wide open.
Even the gate at drive way is wide open.
People storm through the gate into your front door,
go crazy in your house and leave through what ever door.
Your sitting there and wondering, what did just happen ?
Then he explained to me how he handles this in his life.
He said:
When somebody arrives at my gates, I will go out and see who it is.
Talk to him through the gate and get to know him.
If after a while he seems OK I will let him through the gates.
Then at the front door I will taken an even longer time to get to know him better.
When that seems Ok he can come into my house.
Even then I will keep an eye on him/her.
I will never forget what he said and force myself to protect myself better.
Its hard since I am an open person by nature, but I am learning it.
It does not mean I will never get hurt again by trusting but I will do my best to avoid it.
I am sorry to disagree about what you say that being betrayed makes you stronger.
If it happens to often it can brake you down and maybe to a point you choose to not let anyone come close anymore.
It all depends on the persons character :)
Otherwise good post :)
@openheart you sure had a good therapist. I agree with what you said, and perhaps I just used the wrong words. It all depends on the persons character..but I honestly believe that trust can be built over time again. Thank you for you comment!
True it can be build back up again, I have had that happen as well and I am glad we both gave it a go :)
Love your story giantbear, but I do think trust can be rebuilt by earning it that is the only way.
Excellent article.
My Question: Can trust be rebuilt?
Upvoted
I believe that it can...you know that thing of forgive and forget...if you truly forgave someone you should write off whatever happened in the past and move forward.. How are you doing otherwise? Rep climbing I see :)
Yea, slowly but surely :)
I really like your articles.
One thing that I would do is to never promise something that cannot be held. Especially with children.
How often, my son is asking me something, I answer it positively, but under the (not guaranteed) condition I can find the time. And then he often asked me to promise that I will do it soon. Unfortunately, I cannot promise something I am not sure I can respect, even if I would like to. So no... :)
As a result, when I promise something, he knows I would hold my words!
Trust is for the weak. The strong must know how to be self-reliant.
Trust is the most invaluable gift that you could ever give a person. Once you give your trust to someone, it means you are willing and ready to take any consequences after doing so. Just sad to think how people often take that for granted.