Tales From The Circ Side

An Inebriation Incident

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This post will be full of the most calming images that I could find on my phone, for reasons that will become obvious upon further reading of what I have composed this evening.

Today was spectacular! By spectacular I mean it was full of all the things. We had ADA training with our administration team, a hostile patron and active shooter scenario training with our local police chief and his lieutenant, a new youth librarian trainee, a coworker on vacation, state mandated vehicle safety training, and of course actual library work to do on top of all that extra stuff. Honestly, the whole extravaganza was kinda a blast, as I like to super busy at work!

However, as the workday was drawing to a close, one of our more notorious patrons lumbered in through our automatic, ADA approved doors. This creature always reeks of cheap vodka and spouts borderline inappropriate innuendos. He is a tall middle age man that thrives on causing woman discomfort. Usually he is pretty well behaved with me, as I took great pleasure in flummoxing his idiotic advances and drunken attempts at humor with campaigns of all out misdirection and perplexitude when I first started working at the library. Today though, he reignited the war.

I was working like a bee in a honeycomb trying to check in the last batch of library materials that our courier brought today before I had to leave at 5. My fingers were flying as I scanned materials to check for damage and to see if every disc was in every audio book. Like a mighty librarian duck I was flying through the cart of courier returns. The door opened and I looked up to see that he had come in. He was at least forty-two sheets to the wind and as the Inebriate lumbered close to the circ desk, I did a quick peak to make sure that I had my battlements in place.

You see, the man has a habit of intruding his big self behind the counter. Patrons coming behind the circ desk is a big no no. It is a privacy violation. We cannot have members of the public wandering around where people's private information is displayed, it is a huge NO. I subtly nudged the cart into the gap between the circ desk, the Inebriate, and myself and greeted him by letting him know that we had a few holds for him.

The blast of vodka breath that hit me when he acknowledged my statement rocked me backward on my heels. He then launched into a lengthy oration about a book that we had ordered for him. I told him again, for the second week in a row, that we couldn't get that particular book from our sources. There was even a note on his account stating that fact. As I was delivering that news I noticed that the two dvd's that the inebriate had returned were soaking wet. The case artwork was soaked. When I asked him about it he mumbled that he must have set his ski boots next to them. I replied that it wasn't a problem, I would just dry them and press them. No biggie. He started getting agitated a bit around that point.

Next he pressed me about three other books that we had ordered him through our Inter Library Loan system. The ILL system is not a part of our local courier system, so when we order a book for a patron, we really have no idea when we will receive the item. The Inebriate knows this, but he took that moment to come in closer to me and press my book cart close to my form.

Now, I don't appreciate boorish behavior. I also don't appreciate big people who lord over smaller people or vice versa. And I really don't like it when some dude exhibits actions that cross all sorts of boundaries of propriety. What the Inebriate forgets is that I grew up with some of the most burly, crass, uncultured people of all time. The lesson was retaught.

"Inebriate! You are not allowed behind the counter, it is against the rules, and you know that." I barked sternly as I pushed the cart towards him and herded him out of the area behind the circ desk. I was sparking more than a flint stone in a little kid's paw.

The Inebriate was so caught off guard by my blast of policy reiterating fire that he uttered the second half of Jesus' name whilst launching into a big speech about how he goes into all sorts of people's houses and they never get upset about it.

I was so incensed by his behavior that I almost spouted, "Well, coming into my house uninvited is a great way to get shot," but I bit my cheeks and said, "That's nice, but at the library patron's respect other patron's right to privacy and stay on the other side of the circ desk where they belong."

He retreated quickly, mumbling in the way that wronged drunks do. If you think I was too harsh with the creature, then think again. He has made every female coworker that I work with feel uncomfortable at one time or another with his too close stances and just on the edge of harassment comments. I don't feel sorry for him at all.

Today, our police chief told me that anytime one of us feels weird about someone, to just give him a call and he would drop on by. He also told me that he likes Starburst candies. Maybe the next time the Inebriate drops by all tuned in on cheap vodka I will do just that. To see the cretin squirm would bring me joy. The sad thing is, there are times that I almost like the guy. Usually it is when he is sober, which seems to be a rare instance these days indeed.

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And as always, all of the images in this post were taken on the author's kinda scared its going to be thrown by its angry owner iPhone.

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