Hey mate, you have a long way to go and a lot of life to live yet...Although I understand your feelings, have been through them, or similar.

The world changes, time makes that happen, and time will change you also. I guess it's important to be yourself, and to live your best version of life, whatever that may be.

You may be going through a paradigm shift from one version of you to another, and that can be confusing. Above all though man, is don't give up on you, your core values or what is important to you...Whether others (society) have.

All the best for 2020 Adrian.