My dad taught me to never talk to strangers
I had a conversation with the artist who created this painting today. He didn't know who I was but we chatted nonetheless. We talked about art and the current piece he's working on. He's ageing now, around 81 years old however is still painting. I get the feeling he has lost his passion for it though and simply paints out of habit. It's a shame because it's reflected in his work. I suppose failing eyesight doesn't help either, or the fact he becomes fatigued more rapidly. We talked about his ideas for his latest work and I prompted him by looking through some landscape picture-books I had brought for him previously. That's right, the artist didn't know me today, but I know him. He's my dad.
My father suffers with dementia and lives in a nursing home close to my house. I visit him once a week or so and in the past he has had trouble remembering me but today was the first time I sat there and he didn't know who I was for the whole visit. When he gets tired his memory seems worse so I shouldn't have visited so late in the afternoon but it was still quite confronting and deflating. I know that he may recall who I am the next time I am there but today was the first time we went through a whole visit without him knowing who I was.
I came home and sat on the couch opposite the painting pictured in this post. It's a large canvas painting of 1.5 metres x 1.0 metre in size and holds pride of place in my house. My photograph won't do it any justice at all but the detail is stunning, it's like a window overlooking over the beach. I thought back to when he painted it back in 2002. He was living in Cairns, driving, totally independent, doing activities with friends and family...It doesn't seem that long ago to me and yet, today, to my dad...I'm a stranger.
Make the moments you're given count
@galenkp
It is hard to imagine what that is like from this far away a in my head, he is still Dad, the running jumping, thoughtful and patient person. Even though I know this is no longer the case, picturing it is impossible.
At least he has you guys there to spend some time with him. Even if he doesn't recognise you, I am sure it still brings some comfort for him. As you said, make the moments count and there are lessons to learn while sitting there unrecognised too, I am sure.
In a way you’re probably better off not being here to experience it.
Dementia is a really rough affliction that has grown all the more common in this day and age.
Its like a hotel guest checking out before their reserved stay has ended. What is left behind is a room.
Good on you for continuing to see your Dad even in these circumstances. You are an example to others - as sadly only too many would opt not to visit.
Yeah I heard a lot of people stop visiting. I understand why. A nursing home is an unpleasant place at the best of times. I can’t blame people for choosing not to go. Thanks for your comments.
Ahh that's sad when that happens :< Going through a similar thing with one of my grandmothers at the moment, she usually remembers us (or at least pretends) when we rock in to visit her, but sometimes I think she has blank moments. Think it might be hard on him knowing he should know who you are as for you not being known. So sorry :<
It’s a strange thing. My dad will recall a strong or thing from way back in his past, like a story of being a kid in occupied territory in WW2 but can’t recall things about what happened that morning. It makes me feel sad, for him and me I guess. Your comments are welcome. You obviously understand completely as you’re going through it.
Yeh that seems to be a thing. My grandmother can tell me hundreds of stories from way back when she was a kid and her kids were kids, but I asked her how her lunch with her friends the previous day was and she couldn't even remember having gone out :S
That must be so hard on you. Dementia is a horrible thing for all involved.
I don't know what to say really, your story brought a few tears to my eyes.
Even though it's a small photo, I can tell it is an amazing piece of art and your father is a very talented man.
Have you tried playing music that he liked when he was younger during your visits? A friend, I work with, plays old favourites when she visits her father and claims that it often helps him remember her, but not always.
I wish you and your family all the best during this tough time.
Treasure the memories.
Thanks for your comments. Yes, he was a talented painter. I’ll post more of his works over time. Music is said to help a lot. I got him a CD player and some music but he rarely listens; When I’m there sometimes. It’s almost like he’s lost the will to live and therefore doesn’t try to do anything other than the bare minimum. It’s a difficult situation but we are lucky he has not gotten aggressive. Apparently that can happen also. He’s still placid and personable; As much as one can be with dementia. Thanks for your commment and kind words.
Really sorry, mate.
Thank you Matt.