I still have HOPE!

Hope means not giving up. It means constantly seeking a new wrong way...lol, you know mix it up a little. It means looking deep inside to find what exactly it is that seems lacking. There is always something that I hope for. I hope for change. I hope for strength. I hope for love. I hope for caring. I hope that things won’t always be as they have been. So, for now I make it through the day. For now, I do the best I can do. I wake up every day and realize I need to change something and I realize that at some point it will change. Might be for the good might not be, but it will change. When we are ready to hear, the message comes. I can be pretty stubborn so sometimes that message has to VIRAL before I hear it....lol

I may actually fear being happy and you may keep thinking negative thoughts as a means to protect yourself. I realized that I had to stop my negative thinking and that no one can make me feel whole and loved and valued if I don't truly love and value myself. Work in progress. I decided that it was time to show up for myself. If you don't give up hope and keep looking for help and reaching out to others, you will eventually find the people, tools, and resources that you need.

This epidemic is strangling humanity. The addict is consumed by their drugs and the family is consumed, by the addict. Telling a child that “if they loved you” they would get clean and sober “for you” will never, ever work. It’s not that they don’t love you, it’s that they are an addict. There is always hope. In your child’s darkest hour, they may find what they need. Never give up on your child. The next time you find yourself worrying about where they are, or what they’re doing to get help, ask yourself this. What are you doing to get help? Not for them, but for you. It's the loneliest when you don't even know yourself.

Children of drug-addicted parents test the boundaries of right and wrong by acting out at home or at school to see when boundaries will be enforced. Tristan is doing this alot lately, there are likely a number of confusing and conflicting emotions going on inside. His new thing is "your not the boss of me", then he stomps into his room. In like a MILLION ways he reminds me of his mother, but I would never tell him that in a negative way. I have been truthful with Tristan because he deserves to be spoken to so that he has the chance and a feeling of safety to speak directly to how he feel and to express his fears. I know he can relate to the feeling of wanting something so bad and, no matter how much his brain or me told him ‘no,’ he still wanted it. I told him it’s the same way with drugs and alcohol. Sometimes we make really good choices and sometimes, even when we know better, we choose the one thing that will hurt us. He said, I wish Momma would have made a better choice and I said me too, then we prayed God would keep her safe. Right out the mouths of babes, precious learning moments.

We are in this together, and we have to conquer and not be divided. Together we are stronger. Together we thrive. To all of you who are reading this, remember, stay on track, don't look back. You have come too far.