RE: The Difference Between Supporting Someone and Trying to Save Them
A person bent on destroying themselves will continue to destroy themselves no matter how many times we save them.
Well said. This can be a tough pill to swallow, especially when you're someone who genuinely wants to help others, even at the expense of your own resources, be it physical resources, and/or even emotional resources.
During my recovery from addiction, I tried to hold onto some friends who were not ready to make this change. Of course, with addiction, the statistics are not in favor of the addict recovering. It's sad indeed, and I was enabling these "friends", at the expense of my emotional well being. I knew they were taking advantage, but because I cared for them, I would allow it. Eventually, I had to cut ties, and of course they tried the manipulation tactics, but I saw it for what it was, and I wasn't doing them, or myself any favors. I'm better off today for releasing myself of the burden.
Sacrificing and martyring yourself for the sake of another is not an act of love. It is an act of self-sabotage. Moreover, it solves nothing, and it does not solve the root of the problem.
I'll need to give this some thought.. Correlation to PTSD, cycle of abuse, hmm 🤔
Be selective in where you put your time, attention, and energy.
I feel like my time, attention, and energy is well spent on @akiroq's blog 😍
I like how you link your past articles. Are you a psychologist?
I'll need to devote an entire day to reading your articles. You have a way with words. I'm intrigued, and very happy to read what you have to say.
People have to want the change for themselves, no matter how much, not matter how much we want that change for them. It's devastating. It's heart wrenching. It's so hard. It's so hard to see people you love fall apart in front of you, to be helpless to do anything, and to know that anything you do won't help. Really, what can be harder? I feel for people who go through this. I really do. It can tear a person apart.
What's worse, for an addict it can make recovery almost impossible to be around these type of people. It's like they are a black hole that sucks everything around them into the chaos.
Making a clean break is often necessary.
We do what we can. But we need to also look after ourselves. What are good are we if we put ourselves in a position where we then need help too? We need to care for ourselves before we help others.
Haha. And I enjoy my time responding to your comments. It's win win!
To answer your question: No, I am not a psychologist. This is my passion. I write about the things I have struggled with in my own life. I do so in the hopes it might help others.
Personal care should always come first in my opinion. I've learned some tough life lessons in regards to making sacrifices that can leave me in precarious situations.
I recognize "expectation" to be quite a falsity, in terms of outcome aligning with with expectation.
An empathetic person might expect a selfless sacrifice to provide a sense of security. Example:
Exhaustion of resources to care for someone who isn't making necessary change to care for themselves. (a pitfall for an empathetic individual) The subtle expectation might be: "This person has my back if the roles were reversed."
Major expectation, which is highly unlikely given the evidence! I have been fortunate enough to experience this pitfall, more than once. If I have the resources, I have to measure my expectations very carefully before making decisions.
Initially I thought you might be a psychologist, but it's obvious enough at this point that you don't subscribe to what I would consider a standard psychology based thinking.. Well, if you did we would probably already be disagreeing on some things 😄
Thank you for taking the time to formulate such in depth responses. I thoroughly enjoy conversing with you Akiroq.