Gratitude Challenge

Greetings Steemian's

I was nominated to participate in the gratitude challenge by @janine-ariane
I've not been in much of a writing mood lately, so I've put it off, but I think it's due time that I get this done. Janine herself wrote a beautiful article on the topic of gratitude. Check it out

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Tree image created by Kjpargeter - Freepik.com

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Gratitude, that's a tough one to muster lately from my vantage point. I think I could write a book about the things I am not grateful for, and it may sound a bit strange, but that is actually what I am grateful for today. Specifically hardship. The hardships I have been through in my life, are nothing I would wish onto anyone else, and I don't intend to delve into the details, as it would kind of negate what we are talking about here, and it's rather depressing.

The reason I am grateful for the hardships I've been through in life, is because I don't believe I would have the perspective on life that I have today if not for going through some of these things. I will give a brief list of my hardships, just so you have an idea. No need to go into detail. The list should speak for itself.

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• Childhood trauma

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• Military Service

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• Addiction

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• Homelessness

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• Incarceration

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As I stated, going into the details is pointless for the purpose of this, but I will list a reason as to why I derive gratefulness from each one.

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• Childhood trauma. This made me a strong person. I don't take peoples shit, and I learned how to read people very well, because my abuser what quite the actor. I can usually easily spot people with questionable character attributes. I am grateful to have obtained these qualities from the experience.

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• Military Service. This period of my life I am proud of, and really was living a life I enjoyed, and longed for nothing, but I lost many of my friends. This was a crash course in the fragility of life. You never expect to find out a youthful friend has died, and there was a great deal of trauma in the form of grief and loss that I experienced during these years. For this, I have a greater value for life, and I am grateful for it.

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• Addiction. This is the part of my life where things started to become very difficult. I was not always in touch with reality, my inhibitions were lowered, my decisions were generally made during inebriated states, and I found myself wanting to die, more than once. My last period of inebriation was the most profound. I came to, with a shotgun strewn about the floor that I had been trying to load the wrong shells into. All of my material possessions smashed. I gained some perspective on addiction through this experience, because I would never try to do this sober. I have maintained sobriety since this, and I am grateful for it.

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• Homelessness. Not much to be said here. Go live outside for a year, and you will be grateful for whatever shelter you have in life. Unless of course, living outside is something you enjoy. I prefer to have shelter.

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• Incarceration. This came as a side effect from drug and alcohol use. It's an arguable topic I suppose, but it's hard to argue, that sound decisions don't come with the territory of drinking and drugging, and proneness to getting into altercations is much higher. I was incarcerated because I was a nasty drunk at times, and put people in the hospital more than once. I can't say that I am proud of this, but the reality is, these kind of things happen in addiction, and they happened to me. So why am I grateful for incarceration? For one, it gave me time to really consider the man I had become as a result of my addictions. It also was a crash course in psychology at its ugliest. If you ever get locked up for an extended period of time, and don't come out with some enhanced people reading, and communication skills, you probably didn't utilize your time wisely IMO. So I am grateful for the introspection, life lesson, and people reading skills I obtained while there.

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I feel that I have much to be grateful for considering that I am still here, and making the best out of the life I have lived. Many people give up, and remain in addiction. Actually the statistics lean towards the majority never fully getting out of it. I believe in myself, and my abilities to remain sober. I've already stated before, that Steemit helps me do this. Not so much Steemit itself, but the connections I've made. I know, inherently, that some people I've connected with would be upset to know I relapsed, and I don't want to let you guys down. You all give me hope and strength. Most importantly, I don't want to let myself down, because I don't know how many more times I can handle riding the proverbial hamster wheel. I have a couple young boys, and they look up to me. I'm grateful to have them. I want those boys to have something to be able to proudly look up to. I want to be a good Dad. I can't do that if I am in addiction. I can't do that from a prison visitation room. They give me hope and strength.

As cliche as it sounds, I'm doing this one day at a time. I always try to maintain a level of gratitude in my conscious awareness, because honestly, at times, things look pretty grim and shitty, but when I think back to some of the harder times in my life, I realize that I have it pretty good, and that is what is ultimately important in making it through today.

I believe I am supposed to nominate 3 people for this, so here are my nominations:

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@lilacse I would love to hear what you are grateful for my friend.

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@dizzyjay Hey bro, we've been a little out of touch lately, I hope you are doing well, and if you have the time, I would love to hear what you are grateful for.

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@barge Hey friend, as one of my favorite writers on Steemit, as well as one of the most insightful individuals I know. I would love to hear what you are grateful for.

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Thanks for reading.

Much love,
@futuremind

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