Hope for the Hopeless

With another week in the rearview, I find myself no further ahead than I am behind. Though I would like to be accomplishing things, in reality for the last 6 months I've just sat idle doing nothing but existing. Though I do know some people that live out their entire lives in this fashion, this isn't the life for me. My entire life I have always been self motivated and always worked more than one job and always enjoy doing so. But over the last six months, I've lost all drive and find it difficult just to keep myself fed and washed.

Sadly instead of moving on, I've become obsessed with the idea of Revenge and putting an end to these people's lives that took so much away from me. But most days I just come to my senses , take a breath and calm down, because I know this is exactly what they want, they want me to lose my cool and go and do something rash and put myself in jail forever. However, some days jail seems like a better option than living out my days in my own private dungeon, stewing in my own juices, everyday being filled with just that much more hate, every day living with the guilt of being tricked out of your life savings, living with the humiliation of having nothing and not due to the fact that you did drugs or got drunk or gambled your life savings away, only due to the fact that everything you worked so hard for, was misappropriated by a person who we are taught as business people to trust- lawyers

Shortly, I will run out of savings and I will have to pull myself out of this depression or end up on the streets. After spending more than the cost of my house on high priced lawyers last year to defend myself and my family a part of me thinks the entire process of defending myself was a mistake. Seeing that the legal system is so slow and drawn out, after $600,000 in legal fees, it doesn't seem like I've got anywhere and seeing that I'm fighting a high profile criminal lawyer, this person knows how to postpone, how to manipulate the courts and how to make your life a living hell. I thirst so much for Redemption, but eventually enough becomes enough and you have to learn when to cut your losses. Have I got to this point? Is there any other options for me to exercise? Or should I just bow out and take the scraps that are left and run with my tail between my legs? Sadly I don't even think that will be an option, because if I try to run away this person will just keep hammering until there's nothing left. She doesn't care that she's wrong, she doesnt care that she's a terrible person. All that this person cares about is defending her image and proving to the world that she's smarter than everyone else. How do you run from a monster? How you run from a person who's only wish is to see you destroyed? Maybe jail is just a better option. Then again seeing that she is a criminal lawyer, shed have me dispose of pretty quickly on the inside. Pretty sad considering this person use to babysit me as a child.