Story of Andries Part 2: Do not bond, baby for adoption

Andries was HIV positive, what a terrible disappointment!
At that stage, babies did not live longer than 8 months and at the most, 2 years.
His mother couldn’t wait for the social worker to come to the hospital to sign the necessary documents for Andries’ adoption for her to continue her life as before the baby. She left the hospital after a week that he was born, still no emotions or questions.

Caring for baby Andries

I bought clothes and bottles for Andries. Other people also brought clothes and a pushchair, which made it easy to take him for walks. I made him listen to the birds and sang to him. He was such a serious baby, he would look me straight in the eyes and there was no joy in his eyes. He was not interested in anything, except to drink his bottle and sleep. When I was off for a couple of days and came back on duty, he would turn his head in the direction of my voice.

I took a lot of pictures of him for his new ‘adoptive’ parents. I ‘ve shown them to my husband. He said that this is not a dog or a cat that I can bring home. It never crossed my mind to bring him home. All I wanted was a family that will adopt him so that he does not become a number in a home.

We planned our leave to go to Port Elizabeth for the December holidays of that year. Andries was 3 months old and still nobody to adopt him. My husband came to the hospital to see me and I showed him what baby Andries looked like in real life. He was standing at his crib for a very long time, just staring at the baby.
After he left, he phoned me to ask if we could take him with us to Port Elizabeth so that he can celebrate Christmas with us as a family.
At this stage, the hospital was preparing for him to go to a HIV home in Johannesburg. He could not stay in Maternity ward indefinitely and was growing very fast, his head and feet were touching the ends of the crib already.

The social worker said it is too short notice – we were going to leave the next day – they have to come and write reports about our home etc.…… The children’s magistrate was not in town, it was going to be very difficult to obtain a court order which will allow us to take him on holiday with us, but she will try. She called me back within an hour and said that the social worker working on Andries’s case forgot to fill in a section which made the hospital responsible for the child, we could therefore take him with us, because he does not belong to anybody!
I was relieved, I think I was scared that when I came back, Andries would be gone. It just felt safer for him to be with us.

During the holiday Andries started to show an interest in his surroundings and was smiling for the first time. People just loved him and were so kind towards us and the baby.

After I returned him to the hospital, I had to steal a cot from the children’s ward, he was too big for the crib now. He returned to the fetal position and simply just sleep and eat. This really broke my heart, I was so worried about him and his future The charge sister transferred him to children’s ward on one of my off days, when I came back I simply took him back to maternity ward. He did not stand a chance to survive between all the sick children, who were mostly in hospital with opportunistic illnesses due to HIV.

The social worker was preparing all necessary documents for his transfer to Cotlands in Johannesburg. I used to hide him under the desk when she was around, telling her that Andries is not there at the moment. She could sense what I was going through and told me not to get emotionally involved with the child, he must go now and he cannot stay in the hospital much longer.

My husband and son, Oliver, who was eleven years old, kept on asking me to bring baby Andries home for a weekend. I said I cannot upset him again, he must now go and settle in his new environment.
I said to Oliver that we pray every morning that God must give him a home and parents. We often ask for unnecessary things but I cannot understand why God cannot give him a home, surely that is not such an unfair request.
Oliver just looked at me and said , “But mom, can’t you see that Jesus wants you to be his mother, that’s why He is not providing anybody else”
I said to Oliver that I am too old to care for a baby. He just logically told me not to worry baby Andries will see I’m too old and won’t ask me to play cricket!

I was constantly thinking of the parable of the goat and the sheep in Mathew 25; verse 35 -36, when Jesus said:
35.” For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36. I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me”. This was so true of Andries, He virtually came naked into this world with nothing and to nobody to care for him.
I was thinking what difference do we make, are we just passing the problem on to someone else?

Is it possible to love a total stranger and from another nation?

After 3 weeks back in hospital and watching Andries returning into his “unwanted” world, I packed all his belonging and took him home. If someone was going to adopt him, it would be from my home. Needless to say, after a month and a very happy laughing baby, my husband said, “This child is going nowhere, he is ours”. Without Iain’s support, it would not have been possible to keep baby Andries.

We all love him so much. People always say that we will be blessed by taking care of Andries, but I can say in all honesty, that we are the ones who are privileged and blessed to have him as our very own.

He has a wonderful personality, polite, respectful, helpful, humble and such good manners! We did not think that he was going to get older than two years old.

He is now 17 years old and in grade 11. We recently started him on ARV’s, not because of health problems, but because the WHO recommends that the sooner they start taking ARV’s the better. After a month of taking it, his CD4 count went up and his viral load is undetected.

When Andries was 3 years old, his mother came to the hospital for the first time since she gave birth to Andries. She knew I had taken him, the social worker had told her. When I asked her if she wants to see a picture of him, she said no, she is not ready. She passed away the next day.
@frieda