My why

So why I play poker?
Obviously my first thought was the money, but there are easier, more stable and less stressful ways to earn money. Also after a heritage I had some money and my interest in poker was still there. That doesnt mean I dont care about money, quite the opposite, but I think there is more.

When I started poker I was a student and at this time money was tight and a big motivator for me as I was able to cashout every month to cover for parties, cloth and other stuff I thought I needed. Even I spend most of my poker money on random stuff it gave me a feeling of selfsubstain and with something “adeventurous” which can be done abroad, on a boat or anything in the world with a stable internet connection.

The math? No thats the point about the game I enjoy the least.

Its fun. Well…yes sometimes its fun but sometimes its just absolutly no fun if you are on a downswing, getting outplayed or have to grind even if you dont feel like it to clear a bonus in time.

A part I always enjoyed was the psychological aspect of the game. I was very interested in tilt and how to conqer it as it wasnt only very important to my winrate I always saw it as self mastery.

Tilt maybe also the first time Ive noticed conscious how fare something in me can push me so much away from my values. Of course I have been lazy before and proccrestinated a ton but I never really thought about it this much as far as I can recall.

Mastering tilt wouldnt be only good for my bankroll it would also to help me understand myself better and this was very interesting for me. Tilt was a real problem for me, I have been on absoult monkey tilt again and again.

I have lost 10k in about 10 minutes on the roulette tables because I got sucked out on a nl 200 shot.

Now… I could still tilt less but the guy who lost half his roll in 10 minutes is gone. In a way its a good thing, I can still learn a lot of the part of the game were I am most interested in.

Longer sessions, higher limits and better opponents are kind of a test. How long can hold my concentration, what moneyswings can I endure and how good can I put my ego aside if I got outplayed more often.

The things I have to do to get better at this points dont just improve my pokergame they also spread into other areas in my life.
building good habits/routine

Meditation, self reflecting, diet and self organization were no part of the majority of my life and I am not doing constantly good in all or any of them but when I play my A game for several sessions in a row I am doing good in some areas if I play my C game some sessions in a row I lack in all.
It got a lot more consistent when I changed my perspective on those things not like a “yeah would be cool doing this” to a part of the job description of a succesful poker player.

So in a way poker is helping me to become a better version of myself while I can work on my dream to not work form 9-5.

There are still big leaks in my mental game. For example when Michael told the story about the fish who crushed over 100k games my first thought was ” fuck what if this is me”. The creeping doubts after a couple of bad sessions.
But both issues are easy to fix after the session with reviewing and coaching I will find out if I played well or not. During the session its a different story and propably a process which will come over time when I gain more experience and therfore more confidence in my play.

Leave your ego at the door

This includes being able to move down limits. Michael has a interesting approch to his brm which I will maybe take also where he is starting the session at the lower end and if he is reaching certain benchmarks moving up and down during a session. I like this because it also trains the skill of moving up and down.
But it will get propably more interesting when I have more limits to choose as for now I want to concentrate at the 15s.

Also its no shame to end a session early even if your stop loss is not reached yet. But I have to be really honest about that. But there are days were a 10BI swing feels like a 50BI swing its ok to quit and come back stronger tomorrow.

Overall I think I am doing a lot right here and I already were able to push myself and widend my comfort zone with the swings. I have to see if I keep making progress or if I have to overthink my approach.

Michael is a player I respect a lot.