4 Month homeless or free?
It has been around 4 month now, since I gave the keys to the new owners of my apartment. I was officially homeless now, by choice though.
I have dreamt about this moment beeing free as a bird, going wherever the fuck it pleases me.
But I felt more like crying. All the memories came up when I bought it. How my ex girlfriend and me painted it, bought furniture, fought which couch to get and were looking forward to create a home.
But thinking more about it, maybe I was not really sad, I was scared.
I knew now I will be starting a new chapter in my life. Walking a more untraveled path. No one of my friends and family could give me advice and most of them told me not to follow this way.
I was only on Malta and then I headed to Thailand were I am still am and I have dreamt about this for around 10 years to live here.
It is still early on my journey and I have still a lot to learn and experience but some things I have learned so far.
You cant run from yourself
- One reason I wanted to get away was, that I was very unhappy. I am way happier now then I have been in a long time but sometimes my sadself comes out and wants to play. But changing my enviorment helped me a lot so far. I just have to be carful with who I spend my time and remind myself why I left.
If you dont know what you are looking for, it doesnt matter where you look
- I just knew I wanted something different. I wanted to go to Phuket and train a lot of Yoga and BJJ and work a lot. After that I maybe wanted to go to Bali, maybe Laos or maybe Peru. My plan was to have no plan and so far I am mostly happy with that.
I miss small things from home the most
- I miss licorice for example. I miss hanging around with my friends. Sometimes I miss my home.
That may sound like I am having the blues a bit at the moment, which I do, but also I am extremly happy that I am able to do what I am doing now. Maybe this is just the first time I feel something like homesickness or I am finally arriving in my new live chapter.
I could propaply ramble a bit more but I want to leave you with a quote from a dead prez song
The universe contains incredible diversity
And you cannot experience it all within the confines of one comfortable lifestyle
Look ahead to what you will think of your life at it's end
You will probably not want to look back and say it was cozy and dull
Thus, react positively to what seems to be disaster
Remember that what seems how to be disaster may be an important step toward evolution
And may even be identifiable as such at some point in the future
Every great loss takes you out of a rut and starts life anew
Be grateful for the time you had and your former happy state
And look forward eagerly to the new phase
@flipstar, I really love this post of yours, really. I missed it yesterday. It is so real and honest, and I'm glad you are able to share this part of you. It is your own spiritual journey, so don't really listen to those people who tell you not to do things.
I can understand what you're feeling, I've been through the same and I have felt sad, happy, afraid - everything. But you cannot escape from all of these, just feel it. Traveling is one way to forget because you expose yourself to new things, new people and changes. Soon, you will become a stronger person than you were before. Everything will be all good!
If you want to remember, then remember. If you want to feel lonely, then feel it. But don't stay there, learn to choose your thoughts. And also don't be careful of who you meet or spend some time with, be open. This is the perfect opportunity to meet those people who can teach us about life, who can give us new ideas and new outlook in life.
I hope you will continue your journey and keep on writing about it. Stay with us here on steemit!
If you have time please check the book "Awareness", by Anthony de Mello. It's a powerful book about being aware, alive, happy and the real meaning of love and freedom. It helped me a lot
thank you so much for taking time read through it.
I really value your opinion as you are a way more experienced traveler then I am....Yet ;-)
Dont get me wrong I am very open to meet new people and through all the sport here I meet new people from all around the world, which is awsome and there is something very connecting beating each other up.
Some come to party, take cocain, do mushrooms and drink all day and train a bit and those are the people I dont want to get to close to me, since I can easily get sidetracked and loose my way, which is one of the few things I am certain about.
Through meditation I have learned not to follow every string of thought and this was very helpful for me and I guess I was kind of disapointed in myself that I did fall into this trap again.
One thing I have learnt during my vipassana retreat is that everything is changing constantly, so there is no sense in beeing sad about beeing sad or happy about beeing happy. There is just beeing. No future, no past. Just be a witness without judgment as you said.
Well this doesnt work so well in everyday life most of the time but this is a point were I am aiming at and as I read your post from today I think you, too.
I have no intention to stop writing or stop traveling and sharing. I will check out the book you have mentioned.
I have read a lot from Eckart Tolle I assume it will go in the same direction and I enjoy reading about it.
No worries about missing a post and I dont see what I should mind on your comment. Thanks a lot
(kind of funny to talk through 2 different posts)
Actually don't listen to me @flipstar, I think you will become more experienced traveler than I am, and you will learn more. Experience is our own spiritual teacher.
I also read about Eckhart Tolle's "Power of Now", this book is more like a detailed version of Anthony de Mello's "Awareness".
Yeah, I agree not associating with those people if you know you cannot control yourself. I just came back from Colombia 3 months ago, that was the last country where I was in, and you know the "things" that are in Colombia. I was staying in a hostel for weeks, and my friends from Germany and France were inviting me to parties with all the drugs - coke, mj, some other drugs I don't know really, and I totally lost control. That was my birthday and the weeks after that. I didn't know myself anymore and I had a very bad mood. So I left them and flew back to my country, that was the end of my journey... ;)
We will see what the future brings. But for now I am sitting happy again in my bungalow. Looking forward to tomorrow.
Yes what you are describing is exactly what I am afraid of and I need to protect myself a bit because as much as I like to be healthy and fit atm as much I like to do this kind of shit and the hangover is killing me, especially mentally.
@flipstar You'll find the balance. Sometimes I miss hangover and being with people, but it also nice to stay like this sometimes... Have a nice day!
Very brave and scary thing to do
This is inspirational. Thank you flipstar. You're in Phucket? You have some great fruit there, my friend...
thank you for reading. Yes I am in Phuket atm. I enjoy the fresh fruit everyday ;-)
i cannot wait to have some fresh young thai coconuts straight from the tree :) and durian that hasn't been frozen and sent over seas :D
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I can so relate to what you are saying. Sometimes I think changes are necessary.
yes it really is but can be fightening sometimes but if you are excited and scared at the same time it is propaply the right thing to do.
Thanks for reading
the only recommendation I have is, you should hold on to your property and just rent it out. if you have the $ or just save till you can buy one... and just travel with a tent :)
repeat over and over, 5 years later you will have wisdom like no other and couple properties rented out,, residual income :)
too late for that it is already sold. But I am happy with the decision. I would worry a lot. I dont think beeing a landlord is right for me.
to each their own my friend.
What a wild story, @flipstar! Thanks for sharing it with us!
thx for reading
This come to my hearth... maybe you should find someone to travel with.
We, as humans can't live alone
no worries I am not really alone sometimes I just get the blues but writing and sharing helps and I feel way better today.
Thats one of the sucky parts also when you travel. You meet a lot of cool people and have to say goodbye constantly.
yes, It's hard to say goodbye...
Hopefully it will continue to be a great ride for you!
I am sure it will. There will be more ups and downs to come. Just like poker
i love it brother
thank you