6 Life Lessons About Love

in life •  last year 

It breaks my heart when I read about yet another divorce in the news. I am like OMG! There goes another 'ship',we were rooting for you.

How does it go from good to worst that former lovers can't even stand to be in the same room?

Quite sincerely, I can't answer that question. What I am certain of is that despite the negativity surrounding relationships and marriages, I am still in love with love.

What is not to love about love.

When we are old and gray,
By your side will I still lay...

Much as I try to put on a steely appearance when it comes to love,the truth is I am all jelly inside. My heart melts faster than butter whenever I see two people in love and this is me publicly accepting that I am an hopeless romantic.

I am addicted to the feeling. Many times, I hear guys call their friends 'woman wrapper' like the guy has lost some street credibility by owning up to his feelings for a woman, but in reality, he is the bravest. It takes a lot of courage to give one's heart to another. It is a gamble because you can never tell how much of the person you will get back or whether you will be shown any love at all.

Sometimes, we are guilty of saying we are in love without really understanding how deep that word runs. As a Christian, God exemplified unconditional love through the death of Christ(of course, it goes deeper than that but let's stick with the purpose of this post.

Being a young adult made it so that I have reasonable experience in reference to relationships, I have loved, I have cheated and been cheated on and I have learnt.

I’d love to share some of the life lessons I learnt about love with you:

Love is not perfect: 

This is a bit like stating the obvious right ? but you will be surprised to learn how crazily set in one's ways some of us can be. Many of us seek for our partners to be certain way.We also think that attraction would not wane but it does. We learn to grow in love and we always leave room for adjustments.  I particularly love the 80-20 rule.

  it's the theory that says, in a fairly healthy relationship you only get 80 percent of what you want. Maybe your partner isn't a tri-athlete or great at sharing his feelings, but it's okay because the 80percent you do get is really good 

There are instances of women who add some weight after childbirth whose husbands give tough times based on their physical appearance forgetting about everything else. I dare say that is fickle . Of course, we all can improve our physical appearances but love looks beyond that. My husband has habits I do not like and vice versa. There are times I just want to be left alone but even in those times I know we would be just fine. We can't get all we are looking for but if we get most of it , then we should just let the other slide. Love doesn’t necessarily have to be about two perfect people who complete each other’s sentences.

Love always forgives

Because we are not perfect beings, we make mistakes and if you want for your relationship to work, there are things you will have to overlook.

Be careful what you read:

Self help books are good but they are not created to help you diagnose your relationships of certain inadequacies. Most relationship experts speak with regards to their background which may be different yours. So, be careful when applying some of the things suggested to your life. 

Imagine if you read a book where a romantic man is depicted as a man who buys cards and flowers and you start to wonder why your Nigerian boyfriend/husband doesn't do the same, forgetting it is not in Nigerian culture.

Many times, people are guilty of treating their relationships like textbook examples. 

Just allow things flow, following textbook steps might make love look like a bit of hardwork,so, relax and just let it flow.Exchange of gifts actually makes for healthier relationships. Gifts in this sense don’t necessarily have to be extravagant. The thought behind it is what matters.

Love is not a game

These days, so many people are guilty of treating love like a game.Do not make things about who lost or won what. It shouldn't be about who called first or who erred the most.To make your relationship work, a lot depends on selflessness, Do not be so caught up being manipulative that you lose the essence of what brought you together.

It is a verb

Life isnt always as cute as pre wedding couple shots. Many times, there are challenges that you never envisioned but even in those times, you need to stay true to your partner.You have to find a way of reconnecting, love is made new everyday by conscious acts and effort.

It all boils down to you

Above all, to love another, you need to love yourself. If you are coming from a place of hurt, you need to heal before going into another relationship.You cannot give what you do not have.

I love to learn more. Let me know what you think in the comment. Share your lessons and stories with me.

Image Credit: www.pexels.com

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Thank you very much. I appreciate your kind gesture

I had a dream that I was with a partner who was demanding things to be a certain specific way... I woke up feeling grateful for being celibate, for now, as I am undergoing this "learning to love myself" business. It has been over 2 years since my last relationship, and I am still healing. The most precious gift of love has been to allow myself all the time that I need. Sure, I wish I had a lover or two, or more for that matter... But polyamorous relationships, any relationship for that matter, requires communication and will to hold space for your partner(s).

I'm really like your article, thanks for sharing!

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hahaha. the dream part got me rolling... we lots are too jealous for polyamorous relationships. Men can legally keep such relationships in many parts of Africa and Islam also supports it but for a woman, they will scream taboo... :).

Seriously though, I hope you heal and feel ready to take a chance on love again.
Btw, thank you for your comment.

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My pleasure, thanks for the thoughtful post and the safe space that you are holding for us to be able to share this topic... Btw, I too am really way too jealous, which is why communication is critical!