Recovery Dairy 1 #black swan

Three days ago my boyfriend broke up with me. I thought we were ideal couple but maybe it was just my imagination. He disappeared in a sudden, cutted down all the connection with me, deleted our family iCloud account and all the fotos, calendar, notes. Everything between us just disappeared in one minute.

It was not like lose a lover, a boyfriend or husband, is like lose myself, cut a part of my body. We shared all the things and moments together in the past 5 years, we had fights and misunderstandings but we we're tied together and I thought noting could tear us apart.

I was shocked but I didn't cry, actually last week there was already signs and I noticed. He blocked my message and telephone for a week and said that he want to be alone to focus on work, I was so upset and cried everyday, but that kind of pain was with hope, and now, I clam down and I know it clearly that we are over. There is noting I can do but accept the truth, accept that there are things I can't change no matter how much endeavor I made. He will never come back to me and will never speak to me.

Those three days I filled my time with work and meetings, took medication to against insomnia, went out with friend and watched movie, read books, but I can't feel happy and I can't smile. I came back to the lonely life and I need to face the world all by myself again. I write that dairy to see how long it will take to recovery form losing someone that you cherished so much.

Yesterday I read articles about Complex systems, the writer said that the world is full of irregular change and black swans, we can't predict the black swan, however once it emerges, it can cause catastrophe. the life is fragile and in order to against the fragile nature, we must accept the irregular changes. Find out how to deal with it.

The theory helps a lot. I know I must adjust myself, I must forget him. It is not easy. Life is never easy and maybe I just start to taste the hardest part.