Controlling the Chaos PART 1
During my wife's most recent mental breakdown I had an epiphany. And I think I've also finally timed it to somewhere between the new moon and 1st quarter phase.
I've begun to realize that since having our first daughter what we are lacking in life is any consistency and routine. It's probably obvious on the outside and we've probably been given the advice numerous times - but sometimes when you're caught up in it, the most obvious ideas always seem to elude you.
We never know when our child is ready for bed. Which means we never know when we're going to bed. Or having alone time. Or how tired we'll be in the morning. Etc. It's a vicious cycle.
And although I've fought it for the longest time, claiming it's more fun to not be tied down to routines, there are many benefits. Especially if your life is filled with chaos. The chaos can be tamed, believe it or not.
I said to my wife, "here's what we're going to do."
- I'm setting an alarm on my phone for 8:30PM every night for our daughter's shower time. And no matter what we are doing at that time we drop it so we can set into motion the bedtime routine.
- By 9:00PM she will be having a bottle accompanied by sleepy-time music.
- Then hopefully by 9:30PM she will be ready to sleep.
- And this will be repeated until it works.
Well guess what. It worked, the very first time. And the 2nd, and the 3rd, and the 4th.
I can tell my wife still can't believe it's working because she's cracking a smile every time I see her carrying our daughter to bed.
Before you go off thinking we've been bad parents and this is how it should be. We've tried this before but never incorporated both of us falling through exactly on time. There was a season our daughter would go to sleep anywhere between 9PM and 12AM. (I sort of blame that on my wife and her sleeping in though)
We've been doing this for about two weeks straight and I've counted 2 days that she wasn't down before 9:30PM. And for those of you who have never been in this boat - it feels so amazing to know when you will have that time. Not that we count down the hours till our daughter is sleeping. But knowing that you will have some peace and quiet at a certain time of day is worth celebrating when you've gone a year and a half without it.
I'm a morning person but I've been plagued with tiredness for way too long. When I'm at my best, I'm up at 5am, meditating and enjoying a hot cup of tea. As I like to wake up for my day and not for work. My hope is that those days are very close...
This is already promoting very positive things for our relationship as well. My wife has been happier.. It's funny actually saying that. And now we've already added something in addition to that routine as well. At 10PM every night my wife and I sit and talk about house ideas. As we are still renting and would like to find a "forever home" before we buy a house or land. I can say that all of this is helping my wife surprise me more too. I just received this email which prompted this Blog.
She titled it "who needs cabinets? not us..."
And she was right, because I realized how many days we could potentially add back to our lifespan if we stopped opening the cabinets to put dishes away and take them out. I mean think about it. Maybe that seems stupid to you, but then again maybe you are in need of a routine?