Man at 40: Getting on and Dealing With the Changes and Upheavals of Life.

It hits you suddenly that your boy is as tall as you are, even taller and your daughters are suddenly always at loggerheads with their mother. The moment arrives when you note that your 5’ 5” tall wife is tipping the scale at eighty kilograms while your own waistline is expanding at a runaway rate.

A close look at your face in the mirror reveals the receding hair line. Your temples now have a sprinkling of white hair and your beard too. There are faint crow’s feet at the corners of your eyes. Lately, you have to squint at posters and signage along the roads. That is something that you used to do easily for as long as you can remember.

All these signs make you acutely aware that the years have gone by. You can’t help reviewing your plans and evaluating your life. You are at a mile stone. For me, my fortieth birthday found me at the rock bottom. I lost my business. A divorce split my family. I lost my social standing in my town and I had to move to a new town where no one knew me. I had to start afresh, literary. Rock bottom is the loneliest place imaginable.

It is very notable that the age forty is the milestone for many men. This is when gears shift at work, home and spiritually. The situation changes for good or worse. Many men deal with this momentous stage differently.

As I dealt with my losses, I sunk into depression. Living alone, I had plenty of time to wallow in mystery. The drink became my solace. I became touchy and grumpy. My social circle shrunk and vanished, leaving only my parents and siblings. I retreated into a cocoon, a dark lonely place where the TV and books were the only reality.

However, it was not all gloom. It was at that point of loneliness that I began writing. I also learnt some recipes and cooked some great food. I slowly rediscovered myself. I saw ‘me’ as who I am minus all the add ons that define every man: family, car, house, job or business and friends. We all have the ‘me’, defined as ‘who you truly are’. The books turned out to be a depository of silent wealth shared by great people who share their best thoughts, knowledge and ideas on paper. The TV kept me in touch with interesting goings on in the world especially in the areas of science, nature and world news. The drink lulled me to sleep, saving me the tossing and turning.

So whatever the fortieth milestone looks like, pull yourself together. It is worth knowing that you are ‘you’ and don’t look at yourself as a sum total of what you have and ought to have or be. You will end up judging yourself too harshly or inflating your ego dangerously.

This is a call for all men to accept their lot in life. If it is good, carry on and make your contribution to your family and humanity. If not, start again from scratch. Don’t be afraid. Remember when you were twenty-something, raw and eager. This time round, you are wise and battle hardened. You will make it and the come-back will be far more rewarding than what you have lost.