Bizzarostan: An alien introduction to planet Earth and the many idiosyncrasies of its dwellers

in #life7 years ago (edited)

Chapter One: Death

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In Bizzarostan, death is not the end. Even as a lifeless body, there are still many things you can be a part of. Literaly and/or figuratively. While other species find only basic uses for their deceased, such as food... We in Bizzarostan do not share their lack of imagination and wastefulness - we do not throw away our remains. Here, a corpse is more than just stationary mass. It's a playground of possibilities.

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Possibly the most organic practice is being used as fertilizer. Where do you think we got the phrase "pushing up daisies"? But why stop there? If it's good enough for a plant it might just be good enough for us. That's why we've conceived of posthumous sperm retrieval or PSR (one of the methods used is called rectal electroejaculation*) which in turn leads to post-mortem conception and, if successful, further leads to posthumous birth. And if you don't want your child to be called an unholy bastard mongrel, you can apply for posthumous marriage - known affectionately as necrogamy. Not to be confused with necrophilia, which, by all means, deserves a post of its own...

So theoretically you could be pushing up daisies at your local cemetery and simultaneously knocking up the homely next door sperm recipient (fertilization double whammy!), whose husband lacks the, apparently undervalued, potency of a corpse.
Central to this type of sustainability is the outlook that each of our citizens is a treasure. A gem. A valuable resource which can be wined, dined and mined. We consider each individual as a natural deposit of ideas, skills and knowledge. All of which assets that, given the right circumstances, can be exploited and extracted... And as luck would have it we are currently looking for a new human resources manager...

*Definition of which is an electric probe being inserted into the rectum adjacent to the prostate gland. We've observed two different ways of carrying out this procedure. One is done gently, lovingly even..where the probe is slowly introduced to the anus, while the other is done much more forcefully, akin to the phrase "Shove it up your ass!!" which is used for expressing disinterest or frustration. We were charitable enough to introduce the procedure to a great variety of other species. We hope our efforts are appreciated.

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