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We live under the wrong assumption that we are in full control of our own lives. That every decision we make is made according to our own values and our own "personality". Most of the times, this is an illusion.

What we call our own lives is a network of potentials unfolding every moment, based on the amount of attention and actions we invested in them in the past.

It sounds disappointing and diminishing, but it isn't. It's not that we don't have a certain degree of control, it's just that we're confused about what we can and what we cannot control.

Let me explain

Suppose you tried smoking once. And you kinda liked it. And then you started to smoke more and more. In the beginning, the act of smoking had mixed effects: some parts you liked, some not so much. You ignored the parts you didn't like, like nausea and dizziness and focused on the ones you liked. Until, at some point, you became a smoker. Now, smoking happens to you naturally, without thinking and without making a conscious choice. It's just part of your accepted behavior.

And now suppose you want to stop smoking. You will again face some resistance, at the emotional and physical level, commonly known as withdrawal symptoms. Impatience, nausea, even depression.

The withdrawal symptoms are the effects of this inertial force still manifesting. It's the effect of the unfolding potential we already built. Each cigarette built this potential that is now trying to manifest and which is taking energy.

It's like a huge ball chasing us on a downward going road. We cannot escape it unless we either take an upward going street, or we wait for the ball to lose its consistency. Of course, the ball never loses consistency, so we are forced to go up. To change the habit.

It works like this in any area of our lives, the smoking addiction example just makes it simpler to understand.

But it's everywhere. Just think of how we tend to make the same mistakes over and over. The same mistakes. Those mistakes are actually manifesting from the potential built with the first one, which was never counteracted with awareness and resolution of not to do it again. It just gained momentum and now it's unfolding.

And when you want to escape this potential, you feel the withdrawal symptoms. Just like in smoking. You feel disoriented, dizzy, lacking direction. For a while. Because if you really want to go upside instead of keeping the same path, the momentum will eventually stop.

It can't follow you if you climb.

I'm Off The Hook, Now What?

Suppose you made great efforts and now you're going uphill. You gave up smoking. The giant ball is not chasing you anymore. Congrats.

Alas, there isn't only one ball. There are gazillions of them. Like I said, we live in a network of potentials unfolding every day according to the amount of attention and actions we invested in them in the past.

Which means the desire to "smoke" again can still manifest, if a certain context will trigger a certain potential we're not yet aware of. The desire to go downhill may arise again, this time from a different potential, in a different form. The end result is that, sooner or later, we will be facing the temptation again. And I'm using the word "temptation" not in a sexual or religious way, but in the sense of "feeling like doing something". Feeling like smoking. Feeling like insulting someone. Feeling like spending money foolishly.

That's a key moment. The moment when you realize that if you do the same action, you will experience the same effects again. I know it sounds utterly obvious, and you think: "of course I know that, I'm not a kid". But in the whirlwind of life, we're seldom as lucid as we are when we read articles on the internet. In the everyday randomness of life we have to confront a lot of situations, we have to invest a lot of attention in all sort of events and our decision making ability will be downgraded, most of the times, to the "autopilot" stage. And, we, humans, are not very good at "autopilot" stuff.

So the potential for a bad reversal is always there.

How do you counteract it?

Summoning the title of this article in 3, 2, 1... Ok, here it is: stay still, like a block of wood.

Just choose not to get involved in something that may have the potential to be "smoking" again. Being it a conflict, being it a relationship, being it a business decision. Just stay still. If you do that, you will remain in the same spot. You will not move forward, whatever that "forward" means in the context, but you're not going downwards too.

And that means you're not producing a new ball chasing you. You're just observing. Keep doing that. Eventually, a new option for keeping the upward trend will arise, from the same network of potentials you built. Follow that one.

Stay still, like a block of wood. That's what master Shantideva, more than a thousands of years ago, did and preached.

And it worked really well for him.

image source - Pixabay

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I'm a serial entrepreneur, blogger and ultrarunner. You can find me mainly on my blog at Dragos Roua where I write about productivity, business, relationships and running. Here on Steemit you may stay updated by following me @dragosroua.

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