Winter lasted way too long.

disarrangedjane (55)in #life • 6 years ago

WOW!

I didn't really know how much having my schedule dismantled would affect me, until today.

It certainly did a number on my psyche. It felt just like this photo. The sands of time weren't flowing. Don't get me wrong, the days were passing, of course. However, it seemed as though the days, that turned into weeks, that became months, were...seamless. Like it's been one really long, never-ending day!

"Why is today different, Jane?"

That's a good question.

You see, several months ago, I had my daily schedule somewhat in order. I'd wake up, get the hubs off to work, make coffee and breakfast, read the day's headlines, chat with my BFF, bake something, do dishes, start laundry, clean house, get the kids started on some kind of schoolwork (ok, maybe not every day.. they're pretty good at finding something online to study, that they are interested in. And it's not ever math. J/S.)
But, just when I thought I had it all under control, BAM! The hubs returns home one morning and informs me that he's just been fired from his job of 12 years.

You know those movie scenes, where someone gets bad news, and the room they're in turns into one long hallway, and they run but get nowhere? Usually their vision becomes blurred, and is accompanied by a deafening ringing in their ears?

Yeah. It was exactly like that for me.
My safety net of predictability was gone.
Pulled right out from under me.
I would spend the next few months in terror.

"What the hell are we gonna' do?"

I wondered aloud.
I cried all the time. More so than my usual.
My daily schedule was upended. Replaced by even more CHAOS than ever before.
What, when, where, how and who were no longer guarantees.
It was misery. Exhausting. Scary.

Fast forward (although, it felt like an eternity) to today!

The hubs, after almost 3 months, finally nailed down a new job!!
I happily bound out of bed this morning, made coffee and breakfast, and shuffled him out the door, on his way to a new venture!
This is just my experience talking here, but it seems to me that the head of household being unemployed, and home 24/7, is extremely stressful to the familial status quo. After a few months home all the time, I was seriously contemplating divorce. Or homicide. (I'm kidding, of course. If you knew my sense of humor, it'd be obvious.)
Well, he wasn't home ALL the time. There was that 10 day stint he did in the hospital. But the recovery period from that event was ROUGH!!! I was angry at what I perceived at his "taking too long" and "laying on his ass, asleep in bed all day long".
Well, I wasn't wrong. It's just, the way I handled it was.

But today is different. It's back to having some degree of normalcy.

And I thank God for that.
I feel like I can take a deep breath, once again.
Recharge, regroup and return.
AHHHHHH!!!

So, thankfully, I get back to the schedule. The tasks at hand. Coffee. Breakfast. Headlines. Baking. Dishes. Laundry. Cleaning. Parenting. ( I haven't chatted with BFF yet, as I figure BFF is sleeping)

(update: chatting with BFF presently. Giggles)

It may sound like a real bore to some of you more adventurous types, but I like the stability of a schedule.
I tend to go off the rails without it.

I'm so relieved, that I can start to put the puzzle pieces of my life back together.

I really was headed for a nervous breakdown, no joke.
Of course, getting back on track will take some time, just as careening off track and coming to full-stop did, though hopefully, it won't take as long.

I'll be posting more frequently, chronicling the events as they unfold.
Thank you all for the outpouring of love and support and prayers you have given to me, and my family.
You Steemians truly are wonderful people!!
I love you all!