Hi I read your story and you know to be where you are now you are a strong person , sometimes we do need extra help and it may not be friends and family that can do that - I feel your pain - I hope it helped being able to write it down, try to find the light in the world a solution that is good for all - I don't want to intefer of say something that will upset you more - but there are services that can help you manage you anger, you depression - you just need to reach out to them - they can help you see the light again - calm the frustration - use mindfulness so you don't react in such a negative way- I am only suggesting as I have years of knowledge and experience with these things - sometime compromise is better than loosing everything - I hope things get better for you soon
I have tried to compromise. Meet on neutral ground. The plan of doing it is always their. Then it gets forgotten until I bring it up again. Then we fight some more and the same thing happens. Yesterday was our 11th anniversary and we spent it fighting over such an insignificant reason. From perspective I can clearly diagnose our faults. Being able to change them is a different story Thoughts of what I don't know are too much for me to handle. I have tried to fix this situation countless times. But when I am not a person involved in the conversation then how can I change it.
you have to want to change yourself first to be able to change the situation - I know it's hard - believe me - their are people who never have the opportunity to have a partner or a child, people who live in war zones children in war zones - what you have is right in front of you - what you are looking for is right In front of you - if you really want things to change you have to find the strength to change yourself - you already did a lot of that - look at the good in you the good you have done - its too easy to focus on the bad and negative that is why sometimes we need outside help - I have been at the bottom - lost everything - had no one - no support - overdosed - they found me -resuscitated me and spent 2 days in a como - 4 more days in a ward - do you want to be that low in life or do you want to change so you can give your son a future with you in it -
I don't have a drug problem myself. One thing I can do is learn from other peoples mistakes. I realize I need to change myself. I have put far too much focus on how others perceive me in my life. If I want things to change then I need to change them. Should that mean I spend the rest of my life alone with some bit of self respect, then so be it. I would rather be alone than feel worthless any longer. I have let first part of my life be run by what other people want and need. Need to fix myself now. Not rely on a false sense of worth I would get from other people's approval. If Aileen believed that I was worth fighting for. She would have done it.
I don't have a drug problem as I do not do drugs - I do not drink either , that's not why I overdosed - but hey - maybe she doesn't realise how deep it all goes for you - I just hope you find the answer - I can see why you would think so though from my above answer I will try to be more precise with my articulation
I understand. Thinking about it now the title sounds like I am dismissive of my life. I don't have the guts to kill myself. This is in no way a cry for help before I do something stupid. It is just an accurate representation of how I feel at this moment. Probably in an attempt to justify my own logic.
EDIT: Also I presumed wrong on how you overdosed. My apologies on that. I appreciate you sharing your experience and trying to help another going through similar pain. Thank you
so had it helped - getting it out there - getting it off you chest so to speak - I just try to offer my perspective - I am no means right much of the time - but your story compelled me to answer - I read it like it was a book - you explained things clearly - and it came to life - I think you have a talent for writing - and I hope you continue to do so
Believe it or not, I have never wrote before steemit. Never been a people person. The longest paragraph I wrote would have been 10 - 15 words on Facebook messanger. Thank you for the complement. It has made me smile on a day it should be impossible. I guess I am still vain and seek the approval of others.
Writing it down has really helped. Seeing it in text makes it clear that whatever happens will be for the best. If we can't work things out then that was the best decision.