What Does it Mean to Observe Yourself?

If you find me charming, it means that right now you’re in a good mood, nothing more.
― Anthony de Mello

I'm sure you have heard that phrase - that's just who she/he is. You say this every time you try to justify or understand someone's actions or feelings. The big question is, are you really in love with people? Do you help them because you are in love with them? You are never in love with anyone. You are in love with the prejudiced and hopeful idea of that person. Humans are conditional beings. The reason there are broken marriages, toxic relationships, and people not getting along in this world.

Whenever I feel happy, sad or angry, I try to observe my reactions as if I am watching myself in the mirror. Am I responding happily to a person because I am in a good mood and that person seems agreeable at the moment? Did I say the right thing? Am I being arrogant? Am I letting out those childish things that I should have outgrown? To observe yourself is the hardest thing. Because the easier path is to deny the truth. You try to maintain your good image to get approval and applause from others. And it's not always easy to admit your own errors.

It is not always easy to observe yourself especially if don't have a trusted person to serve as your mirror. To call you out and to remind you that you fail to observe yourself. The surefire way to put someone in arrogant defense is to ask the big question - what's wrong with you? Those who are not self-aware will react instead of responding. It's like admitting that you failed to be needed. That you failed to live up to the expectations of others. People are brought up to need people, for approval, acceptance, applause, and appreciation.

To be self-aware is like waking up to reality. To suddenly admit that the world is in chaos, the people are bad and there's only so much you can do. People want a cure, as long as they can have it without pain. It's like progress without change. To be aware is painful. To know the bullshit of this world, of those around you, and yourself would be the most difficult thing to accept. To hurt your own ego is painful. To let others hurt your ego is more painful.

Acknowledge that the path to self-awareness and acceptance is painful. Nothing worth attaining comes without pain. To change from within, one must go through it all.

I got an education and it took me years to get over it. But that is the real education - unlearning the rubbish that I have been taught. To constantly be aware of the illusion I'm under.

There's chaos in this world because most people are not really aware of their actions and feelings. Are you aware that you are unhappy? Are you aware that you are harming others? Are you aware of your own ignorance? Are you aware that it is hard for you to change? That it is hard to unlearn things. That it is hard to see through people's bullshit. That it is hard to accept the truth.

Self-observation is hard because of distractions. You have this idea that everything is going to last. That you will not lose your things, your wealth, your friends, or the idea of that person you like. Things can be destroyed and taken away from you. People can change. But are you ready to accept that change?

Don't worry as people don't want to grow up yet. They don't want to change and they don't want to be happy. Because the path is painful. These days people want easy things. Self-medication, suicide, apathy, ignorance - the easy way out. Some people are under the illusion that they are comfortable and happy because they have chosen not to feel anymore. That is not real. That is only numbing the pain. Don't lose yourself.

Step by step, let whatever happens happen. Real change will come when it is brought about, not by your ego, but by reality. Awareness releases reality to change you. - Anthony de Mello