No Apologies

It is human nature to seek a sense of belonging and to feel part of a group. We fear to be ostracized from our tribe so we try our best to please each other. But sometimes it can be too much, for our society has completely conditioned us to smile all the time and bend over backwards for others. As people-pleasers, we all want to maintain this image we have created for ourselves. We do not want to upset others to ensure that we are still in people's graces. We tend to reinforce a sense of subservience and guilt, and undermine ourselves. Perhaps it is time to look into ourselves and own our choices this time. We no longer have to justify our decisions and ourselves all the time.

There were many times in our lives that we have apologized too much. Although it is very admirable to apologize genuinely for our faults or for inadvertently hurting someone, there are things that we need to own and never have to apologize for.

I become highly sensitive to other people's feelings and most of the time I want to ensure that I don't cause them any pain. But deep down, I feel like I have apologized too much in the past, even for the things that I don't really have to apologize for. I don't have to apologize for the weather and for all the things that I have no control of. I don't have to apologize for the miseries of other people for I can only help so much. I don't have to apologize if others can't really help themselves. I don't have to apologize that I still become the bad person in the end, after going the extra mile to help someone else. I don't have to apologize for people's trust issues. I don't have to apologize when other people have literally done something wrong. I don't have to apologize for my lifestyle choices, for choosing to travel, for leaving some people behind and for following my heart. I don't have to apologize for removing a toxic, negative and manipulative person in my life. I don't have to apologize for choosing what is best for me. I don't have to apologize for choosing inner peace. I don't have to apologize for choosing only a few people who are more important in my life. I don't have to apologize for feeling heartbroken. I don't have to apologize for standing up for what I believe in. I don't have to apologize for laughing too hard in public. I don't have to apologize for crying. I don't have to apologize for being angry. I don't have to apologize for my quirkiness, weirdness and for not growing up. I don't have to apologize for feeling what I feel in the present moment. I don't have to apologize for speaking the truth. I don't have to apologize for removing a person in my life who is causing me not to be myself. I don't have to apologize for being real. I don't have to apologize for apologizing too much.

I don't have to apologize for being myself. In this day and age, being ourselves is the hardest thing to do, for a lot of people will not really like it, especially if we are all wired to patronize each other. Are all romantic relationships and friendships out there real? We don't really know what others truly feel sometimes. How shady this world can be, for we don't really know what others choose to reveal. Nevertheless, never apologize for the things we cannot control anymore. We cannot read other people's mind so just be whoever we want to be as long as we are not causing harm to others. It is perfectly fine to struggle as a human being.

As we grow up looking to others for the evaluation of ourselves, we were taught that we will be rewarded or punished for our behavior. So as adults, we constantly seek attention and approval from others. We even apologize for not living up to others' expectations as many of us still look into other people's eyes to find out who we really are. It can be good to see how we are from another perspective however we often we become trapped in their expectations. It is like we need to change ourselves or else be punished. We get trapped in this whole conspiracy with another - if you make me believe who I think I am then I will make you believe who you think you are.

Hurting ourselves is the same thing as hurting our loved ones. We have exposed too much of ourselves to those we trust, giving them the power to hurt us. We also have collected too much gratitude so someday it might all be thrown back to our faces, but that is just the price of belonging. But we must be free to be ourselves without having to apologize for it. We must be confident in our choices and embrace our humanity. Can we just unapologetically be ourselves and not be afraid to show our vulnerable truth?

What's one thing you don’t need to apologize for?