Dear Diary,

My days off are Wednesdays. I do my best to pull away from from social media, and screens: phone, TV, Computer 1,2,&3. So I slept in, I decided to wake and bake, and enjoy my entire day just floating on air. I need a day(at least) to spend not focused on the works of being a cam model.

*This day would be much more awesome if my boys spoiled me offline with tips, tributes, and or gift cards, or wishlist purchases. I would like to see this area flourish. When I am more rested and worshipped, then I am that much more excited to return and get down to bizness. Remember, I don't get sick days, and I don't get paid vacations. Taking care of me is your priority, when you want my time, attention, and more.

I did however, have a great day off. I made my favorite breakfast. Surprisingly I didn't take a photo, I do my best to refrain on my days off. My favorite breakfast is avocado toast with an egg! OMG! I recently stopped eating meat(lost the desire), but I knew that eggs would be ok. I'm an egg slut, and that is not going to change! It was so amazing. I have been feeling really run down lately, and I realized that I have not been having enough healthy carbs. I've been getting brain fog, and having a hard time maintaining my energy levels. I'm deep in that transition from heavy foods to re-establishing myself with with lighter foods. Going through massive cravings, and feeling oh so uncomfortable at times. I know it will pass. It's just a part of this journey.

I also had a fresh ginger and tumeric tea. OMG!

Relaxing, eating, smoking weed (yes you read that correct), reflecting, and doing some research and planning for more parts of my crypto life was heaven yesterday. I have another blog on that coming real soon, I'm just using this post to get warmed up, and get myself back into blogging. I'm happy sitting here, eating my orange, typing away.

I'm adding a lot of things to my social platform. Promotions and establishing "eggs" in more than one basket is essential to thriving in sex worker life. I have no idea if camming is going to be an option for me in the future. I know it's a slow time for the industry, but I have to be honest. I'm not cutting it. I've been adding more options to see what direction my life will move into. I know I'm not the only one. I will either find a way to push through and find the way, or I won't. I don't have to fear the future. I just need to remain pliable and see where the efforts take me.

I'm very happy with my garden. I've got some great things developing, and some new things I will be trying very soon. I'm certainly not one to give up when the going gets tough. I've just always had a vanilla job, to help when the cam life runs real low. I am in new territory now. Wise enough to know how important a day off and rest is, and wise enough to know even when I wish I could have more days, how to get up and get back to it.

I'm counting on my team more than ever now. Counting on them to help me welcome new people into my chat room, counting on them to pay it forward, to make others feel comfortable. I've always believed that a team is necessary. Members who try to push away or scare others off just don't realize how much they fuck up a cam models livelihood. I'm so very thankful that the members in my room are all mostly supportive. Don't get me wrong, I've had what I call defining moments with most of the regulars in my room. The more you "hang out" with somebody online, the more you get to know them, the more you get to know their greatness and their difficult parts. It's a form of "relationship." Same goes for us cam models. I get it. One thing is for sure, I will take the time to resolve, talk through, and figure out when things get really difficult with a regular vs just instantly banning them and blocking them from my life forever. I will not however invest a lot of time into somebody who is disruptive and who has not or does not show any effort on my benefit. I'm not interested in time wasters.

Upcoming Rant! Need to get stuff off my shoulders!

Being a sex worker hosting a live chat, comes with a lot of range. Some people just want companionship. Some people just want to talk. Some people want to be told how to behave and when to tip. Some members want to get things really hot and juicy. I enjoy it all. The thing I don't enjoy is when members feel there is no real need to tip their cam models. They feel taking up a lot of time, attention, and talking, especially in a chat room does not warrant tipping. What they don't realize is that their behavior gives first timers to a chat room the notion that its ok. That they can take and take and take and not tip. They are literally "shitting" where they are supposedly enjoying.........

--->Members have told me that because I'm a "young" woman, that they are saving their "finances" for themselves because they have their own goals and needs, yet continue to demand all of my attention.
--->Members tell me they don't tip for chat, (I don't know, then go take yourself to Facebook or some other place where you think you can get women to pay attention to you. I mean, you are on an adult platform. It's a premium service!)
--->Members can even go in other cam models rooms and tip them, but will inform me that they can't tip me, they are saving, or can't afford....blah blah blah. You see, I don't mind that my members visit and tip other cam models. I don't mind it one but. It's healthy and its normal. I have a policy, I NEVER bug anybody when they are online. If you are not in my chat room, I'm not going to poach, and I'm not going to try and get your attention. Be where you want to be. If you want to be in my room, then be there. The only time it gets under my skin, is the constant pm's I can't tip this week because. It's such a buzz kill. If you can't save at least 5 tokens to tip when you are so called broke? Meh. Don't take up my time and attention then. I would rather focus on tippers, or new people landing in my room who might actually tip. I need to build! Or I just may have to find another avenue all together.

Yeah, I get it all. I've heard every single excuse there is. I honestly don't understand it. The only thing I can deduce is that, they feel guilty, or obviously not, for taking up so much of my time when they are not tipping? Why do these members feel so entitled to my time, yet have no solid respect for the time, listening, and companionship I provide?

Oh right, because we are friends....You know, my friends had no issue ordering a beer and tipping me for my time when I was a bartender. I hold the same value in my service as a sex worker. My friends can always hang out while I'm working. Just don't expect it for free. My personal time, just like back in the day as a bartender, is my time. To rejuvenate and take care of myself. I don't offer this time to anybody. Not even my family. If you don't have the money to go out and get a beer and tip your bartender, you don't go out. Am I making a point here?

I really want this book and its follow up work book. Sex work is very isolating. I don't have anybody to discuss my situation with. Well outside of this blog now.

The only thing I can do from this moment on, is to continually mix things up and find a formula that works. For the longest time I thought hosting a social chat room where everybody can socialize and enjoy time was a high priority. I'm starting to think that this is my mistake. Maybe all the chatter just puts off potential tippers? I don't know. These are just the thoughts I'm exploring in my head. I feel like it gives me permission to change up things and disrupt the status quo. I mean, I've been camming for almost 6 years now. It's not that long, and there should be more opportunity to mix things up.

If you don't know by now, when I title a post, dear diary, it's a time for me to sort out the thoughts in my mind. I share it publicly to show you a little about the behind the scenes thoughts and actions that occur. Sex workers are human first. We are not a punching bag for people to use and abuse. We are not less than others because our line of work is so called "taboo." It's time that humanity wakes up. If you have trouble treating the sex worker in your life with respect, then you will never treat anybody in your life with respect and might start having an insight as to why you struggle so much with relationships in general.

Nobody is less than others. Humans regardless of their line of work, sexual orientation, color, race etc. deserve respect and compassion. Let's get passed putting others down. Lets face it, it doesn't really make you feel better. The reality is your actions weigh on you, and over time they take their effect. Karma never forgets.

I'm putting the time in to give my best to others, I hope you are to.

xoxo