I can totally relate @cali-girl no judgment from here. I could come up with a jillion pep talks and platitudes, but the bottom line is that it sucks. And it hurts.
I have been self-employed in various capacities since 1985, and not a single thing I have undertaken has ever succeeded for more than maybe six months to a year before it was either (1) undercut by outsourcing (2) taken down by bankruptcies of primary clients (3) copied by someone with lots of resources or no need to actually make a profit (4) stopped as a result of 3rd party providers failing.
But this isn't my story, it's yours.
I’ve never been intrinsically motivated by money, so it can be a tricky endeavor motivating someone like me. I’m not the ideal employee and don’t respond well to financially-related bribes and goals. I get reprimanded quite frequently for making decisions that make sense morally rather than financially.
That, right there. I have been told by people who claim to "know" about these things that I lack the "cutthroat gene" required to generate success... and since money "doesn't motivate me" I also have no right to whine about not having financial success. That hurts, as well. Unfortunately, we have to pay rent, and Karma Koins don't work at the grocery.
But at the bottom of all this? You... and many others... at the core of everything, we are still GOOD PEOPLE. A wise person once reminded me that failure is "an event, not a personality trait." So YOU are not a failure... something you tried failed.
It's amazing to me that you have had the tenacity and courage to continue on your chosen path for so long. You are very special, @denmarkguy and I thank you for reminding me that I am, too. We are good people; I know you and many others here are...I can feel it.
I've always wanted some opportunity that doesn't force me to sell my soul to make a living. It's rough out there. :(