Lonely People... and Social Contact
As some of you may know, my wife and I have a small art gallery and gift shop, here in our town.
The shop is located in the heart of our historical downtown area; there are lots of other shops around. Although not as prevalent as it once was, there are also quite a few apartments in the 3-5 story buildings, above the shops.
A solitary seagull
One of the things I can't help but notice is the group of "regular visitors" we have.
They come into the gallery on almost a daily basis-- as best I can tell-- for their daily dose of social interaction. And they don't just come in to say "hello" and move along... sometimes they want to spend several hours engaging in conversation about very little.
The four that immediately come to mind all live alone; all live in low income housing (or "rooms"); none of them have cars; none have had any kind of job (that I know of) in at least the past five years.
Occasionally, one will ask to borrow ten dollars "till my check gets in." To their credit, every $10 loan I have made has been paid back. At least two have no discernible sources of income... but they are not homeless.
I wonder, at times, about their lives. I wonder how they got to where they are right now... and whether they are living as they do as a result of conscious choice, or circumstances beyond their control.
Yellow flowers in our garden
Although I am not a psychologist, I wouldn't characterize any of them as mentally ill. They are just "different," in certain ways... one of those "ways" being that they spend their days wandering from shop to shop, engaging shopkeepers in lengthy conversations. But they don't have any friends, by their own admissions...
When I look at their lives, I can't help but reflect on my own, and my persistent efforts to be as "outside the mainstream" as possible. I haven't had "a job" in close to 20 years; I don't even have "a profession" as a self-employed person... I just take whatever opportunities present themselves, and make the most of them while I can. When they have run their course, I figure something else out.
Makes me wonder if I really am really much more than "a few inches" from these regular visitors to my shop.
Desert flowers, California
During some of the more solitary parts of my life, I made little effort to make and maintain friendships, and managed to scrape by well enough to meet the rent and basic bills to keep a small apartment.
But I had no desire at all to interact with the world; I basically avoided all social contact-- where our "visitors" to the gallery seem to very routinely go out to get their fill; not from friendships, but from interacting with shopkeepers.
So I wonder if they are simply using this "arms length" form of interaction to get their social contact? Or are they genuinely lonely? Or do they have difficulty making friends through more conventional means? Or is the "issue" that shopkeepers represent a "captive audience" of sorts... where others might see them and head in a different direction? Who knows?
In case I am coming across as judgmental-- I am not. I am merely curious. I'm curious about these people because they in no way seem content or happy... they just seem to "exist," like they are going through the motions of life, with no particular intention. As they say, don't judge anyone unless you have walked a mile in their shoes... I'm just wandering what walk they may have taken.
What do YOU think?
(As always, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
I don't think many folks are very happy. We have all these things that are supposed to make us happy but I think a lot of people feel fundamentally disconnected. I know what you speak of as it feels sometimes like social vampirism. I think you are probably correct in your assumption of captive audience. They know they can always find you there ....and furthermore you can't leave. So perhaps, it is a constant in their lives. A routine that gives pleasure with little disappointment or risk of rejection.
Kobie, I expect you're right-- very few people are happy, and most are looking for some outside "magic pill" to bring happiness, which-- alas-- is not very likely to happen. A person might get a momentary shot of dopamine, and that feels good... but it has little lasting impact.
One of the guys who comes in is super bright, and will philosophize for hours about Nietzsche, Kierkegaard and H.P. Lovecraft... with a little alt-right neo-con politics thrown in for good measure... cool enough discussion topic over a few beers, but it's like the ONLY thing happening inside his head, 24/7. If I ask him something more mundane like "what did you have for lunch?" it earns a reply like "I am disgusted by the human form's base needs to ingest these things." Which pretty much makes the dialogue a song of one note, if you get my drift...
Thanks for your thoughtful comment... I try to extend kindness to those who perhaps have a more difficult time moving through life-- we all deserve to have someone to talk to. Interesting that you had a shop as well, and that people would come and talk to you... I suppose we offer them a "safe space" of sorts, where they are able to talk freely.
Fantastic post with which I am also very related with, @denmarkguy. But by the moment, I'm ready to hit the hay on my cradle after the end of my usual nocturnal owl's endeavors.
Therefore, for now, I will only gonna Upvote & Resteem your article just to not forget to get back at this for a more meaningful reply later.
Although in any case, at this very somnolent instant, I will give you a thoughtful tasty bite to chew meanwhile. ;)
"We don't have existence because we have life, but we have life because we are existence"
Wise words...
One of the things I try to remind myself is that we are human BE-ings, not human DO-ings, and perhaps these people are actually more in tune with simply "being" than the rest of us.
Never better said my friend! Most of us actually are (or want to be) human BE-ings rather human DO-ings I also see. The key issue here will be whether we will succeed in that ambitious quest. ;)
You must be very nice and/or polite to be accepting of them I suppose.
I would be thinking of how I could try to sell them a soda or something lol.
So they never BUY anything?
@old-guy-photos, thanks for the comment! No, they don't buy anything... I think they are far beyond perceiving the stores they visit as places of commerce, and more see them as extensions of their living rooms... one (who no longer visits) even once expressed that shop keeping was really a form of "prostituting oneself to commercialism." So I asked him where he got his food, and he said "the Food Bank and the soup kitchen at a local church." Then I asked him how he thought the food might get to those places... in response to which he got very angry and left in a huff.
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