In Search of Simplicity: Dreams of a Zen Garden
Earlier today, I felt like I was running on a crazy treadmill, trying to get all kinds of loose ends and errands taken care of. I had a moment of sitting in the car at a stoplight, thinking about how my choice to be independent and self-employed was ultimately meant as a step towards living a simpler life.
In that particular moment, it still felt like I was running on a crazy treadmill.
Lavender fields and Mt. Shasta
Many years back-- when I was still trying to figure out "what I wanted to be when I grow up," one of my dreams was to find a lovely spiritual retreat center, where I would peacefully live as the person who made sure the grounds were always like a beautiful Zen-like garden.
I was in my late 20's then, and thought the perfect life would be to live and work in a quiet and serene place and make it beautiful; to be charged with nothing more than keeping it beautiful-- simply in exchange for room and board. I could live on the grounds in a minimalistic cabin; just have a bed, a place to eat, some books, a place to write and an Internet connection.
I would find most of my joy in simply making things beautiful.
I would get to watch the people come and go, all there seeking to learn and heal. They would find peace and relaxation in the space I helped create. I would not do this for recognition, or for compensation... the purpose would simply be to know that people felt better, simply as a result of sitting on a bench among flowering plants and beautiful landscapes.
A lonely sky and sea
At the time, all my friends were super busy pursuing their careers and their impressions of "success,"... striving to reach the top of their fields and "acquire" everything they could get their hands on. Their dreams seemed all about greatness and achievement; mine were all about silence and peace.
I guess I was a bit of a "strange bird." I started saving my money to go to spiritual and self-development workshops and retreats already in my mid-20s, while my friends were saving up for money-making seminars and trips to Aruba.
I often found myself being the youngest person those retreats... typically by 15-20 years. It always puzzled me that people would wait till so late in life to start questioning; to start finding the true meaning of their place in the world. I thought about my parents-- children of the 1920's-- and how they never paused to examine the meaning of their lives... they simply "did what was expected" of them, till the day they died.
Point Wilson lighthouse, Washington
I watched life around me move at 100 miles an hour and people getting stressed out in their striving... and then having insane parties that seemed to serve as little more than a thin veneer to cover a deeper sense of desperation. And all I wanted was peace and silence.
I'm sometimes reminded of a scene from the movie Garden State, in which protagonist Andrew Largeman sits on the couch watching his friends at a party... and their motion is sped up ten times< while he sits still. Most of my life has felt like that...
And so-- even though I never actually found one (Yes, I did look!)-- I dreamed of becoming the keeper of a Zen-like garden where deeply spiritual and self-aware people would come.
Some days, I still wish I had pursued that simple path...
How about YOU? What sort of life do you prefer? One that is very "full" of things, events and people? Or one that is very quiet and low key? Do you ever feel like life-- and everyone in it-- seems to be moving unrealistically fast? Leave a comment-- share your experience!
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I think that I have both inclinations. Some years I have thrived for success, doing the things that needed to be done. Other years have gone by choosing my company carefully, and delving into my (often rather complicated and non-popular) art- or entrepreneur-projects. I'm not sure which thing is most satisfying (or the opposite) but I do know that learning that success is a very limited and dull goal, has improved both states. I sometimes look at my children's struggling with childish things, and know that my own struggles are no more important than theirs. So much of our lives can be compared to homework or the need for social acceptance at school.
There are important things of course. And I do think that we should do or make things that somehow intermingles in other peoples life. Getting older I know what to cherish and what to forget, and first and foremost: I know that creating things are what I do best, so even though I am not successful I can always see back at the things I have made and say: this is my zen-garden. It is there for the people who wants it.
@katharsisdrill, thanks for the thoughtful comment... "finding balance" is definitely important. Much as I'd like to just "sit and think" and write philosophical musings all the time, I recognize there are other things I must attend to... and (in some sense) "being of service to others" (or to the world, in general) has grown increasingly important. With aging, I guess I have also grown more discerning in terms of what I put my energies towards... and I recognize (sadly!) that "I am not 29 anymore," so I no longer have the bandwidth to take on every thing that crosses my path.
Thank you for this.
I do relate to the dilemma of living in the world and pursuing a simple path.
I have found a way to deal with that. I get up and meditate early in the morning and then start my day. Occasional trips to the mountains or the coast, coffee with friends and daily walks with my dog gives me peace.
@lakshmi, thanks for sharing! My wife and I have been simplifying for some time... the process has been made a little easier since our now grown kids have left the house...
My mornings are for "quiet time," mostly spent writing -- I also do my "waling meditations" on a regular basis, and art/creativity is also a meditation in its own right. In general, I would say that peacefulness has always been more important in my life than "hustle and bustle."
I think a lot along these themes, it was nice to follow your thoughts.
@aeryn, thanks for stopping by and commenting!