Conscious Living: Comparisons are Deadly! Your Life is YOUR Life!

The title of this article is actually a quote I heard while at a spiritual retreat, many years ago. 

It was spoken by a quiet unassuming man who had become known at the retreat simply as "The Judge" because he actually was... in his "outside" life... a high court justice in the state of Texas.

The Judge, however, was nothing like the stereotype of a judge we might think of. 

He was a very quiet and compassionate man, known in the large metropolis where he presided as one of the most empathic and caring people on the planet. Although he worked with "the system," he largely lived outside the system... unlike most of his colleagues who lived in the exclusive parts of River Oaks, he lived on an old boat he'd restored-- by choice.

The Comparison Trap

In this world of ours, we're eternally "comparing ourselves" to others... and then judging ourselves-- often negatively-- based on how we perceive we stack up against others Rarely do these comparisons do us any good-- in fact, they tend to mainly feed negative feelings... and then we may even start feeling inadequate, and like we're not "good enough." 

Of course, when we compare ourselves, we rarely do so in a rational fashion. 

Maybe we focus only on those we perceive to be "above" us... as a result of which we feel "less than." Rarely do we pause to notice the myriad people whose lives are much worse than ours.

Maybe we take our cues from social media-- forgetting in the process that we are comparing our daily grind to the highlights of other people's lives. Think about about it: People post their weddings, their fabulous holidays, their job promotions, their new cars... not the mornings they are puking their guts into the toilet because they are getting the flu, after which they scream obscenities at the universe after stepping on one of their kids' Legos with bare feet.

Sometimes our "good" is actually someone else's "bad"

Comparisons are also deadly because there is seldome just one "right" path, or one "right" tempo to follow on our way through life. Some of us learn slowly, some learn quickly. We have aptitudes for different things-- things that cannot be "compared." We find ourselves envying others for what they have... and yet? If we actually sat down and thought about it, we really don't actually want what they have. Besides, how do you "compare" your neighbor's prize winning roses to the fact that you won the local 5K run last week?

The thing is, it's OK to not have-- and not want-- what someone else has... because we're not on the same journey as them. 

Don't believe me? 

Look around! Look at how unique and different we all are, as human beings. Wanting to br like someone else is ultimately somewhat silly because we can only be ourselves, not other people. Don't get me wrong, it's fine to let others inspire us-- that's healthy-- but we can easily go overboard in our pursuits of what we think others "have" or "are," under the pretext that we are somehow defective if we don't follow suit.

Comparisons and envy make us STOP living our lives!

It may seem backwards, but when we compare ourselves and our lives to others, we actually tend to stop living. 

You might think you do so to become inspired, but actually we tend to get so focused on "them" that we forget to create our own unique experiences. We start defining ourselves by their actions. 

The Judge? He just wanted to live a peaceful life on his boat... but he also related that earlier in his life (he was in his 60s, at the time) he had to do some soul searching and actually give himself permission to stop trying to be all those things the world believed a "stereotypical high court judge" should be. 

There's another (related) truism I really like: "Live your OWN life. Everyone else's is already taken!"

I think we-- or most people, anyway-- worry far to much about what others are doing, and we allow our other-obsession to distract us from making our own authentic choices.

What do you think? Do you worry a lot about "what others have" and what others are? Do you compare your life those of other people-- even in subtle ways? Do the comparisons lead to gratitude? Or distress? Is success-- in life, in your job, in love-- a feeling that's internal to you, or something you arrive at as a result of "comparing yourself" to an external standard? Leave a comment-- share your experience!