The Boozy Rant #4: There Are Comrades And There Are Enemies.
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There is something to be said about sitting down and kissing a glass of whisk(e)y. After long day, I enjoy blends, I have them neat. They're very simple and gentle, like a hug or a small fortifying chat with a good friend after having taken the worst from dusk until sundown. For those days when ever note is just right, a complex, nuanced and special bottle is called for, like subtle foreplay and teasing, roleplay and good sex. That's often the case with my drinking, it's solitary habit.
But every now and again I like sharing a dram with people, I'm not a total shut-in after all, not all humans are trash. It's always nice sharing a love with someone interesting, funny and smart. Even better if there's going to be some improvement in the part of those in communion. I often found I pair better with women than men. I'm not sure whether this is because of the temperament the women in my life or something in myself. I become very argumentative and political with the gents, maybe because I prefer talking to outspoken borderline misogynists and I happen to be friends with them too. Say what you like about someone with the view of a 1950s type stiff neck but you can't say they're boring and I have greatly improved many chaps too so....
Sharing is good but like the puritan I am, I draw the line at certain quarters of character and behavior.
Here are a couple of incoherent deal breakers one should consider when it comes to choosing a comrade to share a bottle with:
- being a mooch, incidentally challenging my place as King Booze Mooch Extraordinaire. There can only be one.
- a humans that go through a dram in less than 10 minutes
- bringing a +1 to share my booze.
- basic bitch small talk during drams.
- telling me you don't drink whisky but I saw you order an Old Fashion at Sundowners repeatedly.
- being beholden to vodka (we're not teenagers sipping drinks in party cups... at the bus-stop hiding from out parents, grow up).
- shooting my f***ing whisky.
- not recognizing my level as a extraordinaire functional boozer. In other words, whisky O.G. motherf***er.
- a slight again whisky.
- and lastly, show not remorse for being a culture-less and boring thief who's basically wasted this amazing golden ember.
- Telling me that I have a problem and I should stop drink
Bonus: being an outright uninteresting c*nt.
I love your style, it's just refreshing and stands out...plus the zero b.s. thing is nice :P :)
Danke, @battleaxe.
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I love it!!! We need to be friends. The vocabulary and satirical nature of this piece is worthy of 15 upvotes but alas, I can only render one. Lo siento. However I shall remedy this situation with a follow.
Thank you, @darkerwritings
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