RE: My Struggle With Body Dysmorphia As A Male
As a guy who has also struggled with appearance (to a greater or lesser extent)... I can offer this. (and please excuse the generalizations)
Guys seem to be largely attracted to girls based on their beauty... and as a guy it's easy to project this same notion onto the opposite sex, thinking: "If I want a beautiful woman, then surely that woman wants a beautiful man". But to women's credit, I've found them to be much less judgmental about appearance than guys.
Guys assume women are more judgemental because they are much more concern about their looks... But think about it!!!! The real reason women are over-concerned about their looks is because men are so judgmental. Women wear makeup to impress guys and stand out among other women as better mates.
Us guys have to look in the mirror and realize that we are the judgemental ones.
I've found through observation and personal experience that women are mainly attracted to confidence. Now, if there are no really confident guys around (which is often the case), then yeah, the pretty guy might win. But I've watched unattractive confident guys steal hot girls away from very attractive guys many times.
Let's take the 10 point scale of attractiveness. The truth is that you are whatever number you believe you are. If you believe you're a 6, then in your reality, you are indeed a 6. If you believe you are a 10, then in your reality, you are indeed a 10. Given reality is subjective in nature... why let anyone else define how attractive you are? At the end of the day... "your reality" is the only one that matters. Most people actually have such weak realities that when they come in contact with a strong reality, the strong reality wins even if it's not the most normal or common.
I don't care what you look like... you have the potential to be a 10. The moment you start believing that, is the moment your perceptions start to change. And if you truly see yourself as a 10 then others will too.
Everyone struggles with different things, but all these struggles are the same in that they can make us stronger.
It is better to be strong than beautiful and it is equally hard to be both.
Women don't always wear makeup just to get men. My girlfriend's and I wear makeup because it is fun and it's fun to play with different looks. Has nothing to do with men. Always has been that way since I was a teenager I'm 49 now.
Wonderfully written. Thank you dan.