365 Days That Count - Day 19 - Underestimating myself

Today was my first day on the job, the last day of pre-production before shooting starts tomorrow.

I woke up very nervous, not only did I have no idea what to expect and hate to feel out of
control but I was honestly scared of being useless at whatever it was they asked me to do.

I'm very hard on myself and expect perfection first time round, I’m terrified of disappointing people and always feel like I’m being irritating if I ask too many questions. I don’t always recognise this at the time but at least I am aware of it now and catch myself in the act, a few years ago I thought it was normal to feel so anxious.

I gave myself a little pep talk before I left home, asked the angels to look after me and got on my way.

I got the job through the production manager, Zita, who is lovely and I’ve worked with once before, we met yesterday so I knew my first job this morning was to sign for and collect the van I will be driving all week - the van!!! - and then fetch the client from the airport, the rest they would brief me on today.

I have never driven a van before and when they asked me if I could I just said I’ve driven a horse box so I’m sure I’ll be fine, but I wasn’t.

I arrived a little early and found my van. Getting out of the parking space it was left in and back into the one at the office where I was meeting Zita was hair raising, the security guard laughed at me as I wiggled backwards and forwards trying to get it in without taking out the car next to me. I realised my mistake pretty quickly, you have to swing out WIDE to then swing in. Ok, note to self.

I probably should’ve prepared myself for the headless chicken style adopted by most
productions in the days leading up to a shoot, but I hadn’t so was a little caught off guard when I was told I had to drive from one side of Cape Town to the other and then back again to fetch an entire lock up of stuff, drop a gazebo to be repaired in the industrial centre of town and then be back at the office to take all the gear out of my van and load it in to the other before the lighting guy arrived to go and fetch the equipment.

By this stage I was panicking, my sense of direction is terrible so I was relying heavily on the GPS on my phone only to discover the UBS point in the van didn’t work so I couldn't charge it if it died, which all iPhone’s tend to do pretty quickly. I had assumed I would have help with the heavy lifting and as the production assistant thought I might be working with the Zita, but nope - I had to do it all alone.

I got to the airport on time, managed to park the van better than I had before and met the client. We drove back to her apartment in the waterfront, I made sure she was settled and bought her lunch before getting back in the van and realising I only had 3 hours to get to the lock up, unpack and load 4 tables, 2 gazebos, 5 chairs, umbrellas, prop boxes and a host of
other bits and bobs - all by myself - and then make it back in time to offload and reload before the lighting guy arrived, oh and drive to the other side of town to drop of the gazebo.

I know I work best under pressure and by this stage I didn’t have time to panic I just had to get it done.

I prayed I wouldn’t get lost all the way to the lock up, found it first time round and managed to convince the security guard to help me load what he said was never going to all fit in my van. The fact that the seats wouldn’t go down didn’t help but we managed to fill every nook and cranny and get it all in.

I then drove to drop the gazebo using one hand to hold the two huge metal trestle tables that were balancing on the head rests in place every time I went up or down a hill or round a corner.

It must have been quite an interesting sight to behold, I got some strange and sympathetic smiles but by this point I was having fun.

I was ahead of schedule when I found the place and managed to lug the gazebo in, get a quote and get out of there in about 5 minutes.

I got back to the parking lot 45 minutes earlier than I had hoped to and started unloading my van and packing it next to the other. The lighting guy - John - arrived early so I went to fetch him and bring him to the vans, again what would’ve been a horrible task on my own became an easy task with someone else and it was nice to spend a bit of time with him before we
started working together.

When Zita arrived to meet me I could tell she didn’t really have anything else for me to do but was hesitant to let me go early, I realised they hadn’t expected me to get it all done before meeting John, neither had I.

I ended up hanging around for the next 2 hours until we went to draw money and buy a bag after which I was allowed to drive my van - which I now love - home in time for supper with my family.

I did well today, I tackled things head on even when they were unfamiliar and got it all done.

It reminded me that I’m far more capable than I give myself credit for. I spent 3 years working for and pretty much running a multi multi million rand property development company and it was only after I resigned and my boss gave me the best reference I have ever seen that I realised I’d actually done a bloody good job, especially as the job I’d had before had been as an actress playing Daisy in a production of the Great Gatsby.

So here I am again, thrown in a totally different deep end, but so far so good. I'm realising I'm pretty quick on my feet, I'm good with people and I can adapt fast. I'm both relieved and proud of. It's nice to have nice things to say about yourself.

I had a great day, but I am pooped so it's bedtime for me.

Goodnight all.

Love,

Daisy xx

( @daisyd )