Photo credited to Travis Mackenzie Hoover

“Get’em young enough and the possibilities are endless”

Bart from the movie unleashed said that about Jet Li’s character Danny, and I was inclined to believe it. I was convinced that a child will live, occupy, or perceive the world any way they are taught to. This was the first motivating factor in our decision to homeschool our children. Who better to teach them who they are, what they are capable of, and discover with them what they are good at? Who better to govern and define the landscape of my children’s self-actualization?

When we started this process, we weren’t educator by trade. I had, in fact, come from a healthy lineage of teachers, professional educators, mentors and the likes of. Naturally, I thought I had that ability. I thought to myself, mom was a teacher, granny was an educator, scores of aunts and uncles were also educators. So not only did I have the skills but a network of supporters as well.

Our oldest was the first in our family to test this theory because my wife and I didn’t teach each other anything. If anything, she and I enhanced one another, supported one another, maybe even challenged one another, but teach one another wasn’t even remotely considered. The canoe exercise we had barely survived together wasn’t a lesson, it was more a shaky collaboration of my know-how my strength and her involvement.

During that exercise, what didn’t cross my mind at all was the idea that I was teaching her, or that she was teaching me. It was a rapid flourishing snare of descent into chaos with negative snap judgments, and finger-pointing. It was an utter testament to the breakdown of communication, and the inabilities to compromise when pressed by internal insecurities. None the less I WAS RIGHT, I was the reason the boat hadn’t flipped over. I was the reason we eventually drifted close enough to the bank for me to hop out of the boat and drag the boat with her in it back to semi-dry land. Never mind the fact that I did jump out of the boat all be it was for a good reason, and I didn’t leave her there I made sure she got to a familiar place before I took my sabbatical.

While sitting in the game room of the resort alone, I questioned everything from, why we had agreed to that stupid exercise, to if I should break it off with her. After all, if we couldn’t communicate in that situation, what hope was there for parenting children, or living together, or deciding who would shower first in the morning before work. If we couldn’t find a way to work together in a life and death situation, what hope was there for anything of significance?...

Photo Credited to Jim Jackson

So I began formulating how I was going to break up with her. Water has always calmed me and helped me think clearly. I went back out to the water and stood there in deep thought as to my delivery of this foreboding conversation. I paced back and forth, I skipped rocks, I even washed my face with the cool waters a few times. All in attempt to realize my thoughts that seemed to have been shrouded in the events of that experience. I replayed what had happened that day, I replayed the conversations, I replayed everything I had felt was significant surrounding the experience. Then I realized something everything had gone amiss when I started demanding that she do exactly what I told her to do. When we were on the lake, I would say “Ill paddle on the left you do the right”, not asking if that would work for her, or considering that she may have been tired so a break was needed. I gave simplistic misdirection and expect her to understand them, I said things like “ you need to give me full even paddles, and I will match them”, “We need to be on one accord our efforts should be equal”. When that didn’t work, I would say things like, “ do you want to fail”, “ do you want us to not get back to shore”, “ are you listening to me”. Then Finally I just started withdrawing, protesting with my actions by telling her to paddle, then waiting to see if she did it like I told her to, and refusing to paddle if she didn’t.

In reflecting on this, I drew the conclusion that at best I had only made a stressful situation more stressful by refusing to acknowledge her contribution. I had proclaimed myself captain of that vessel, and she was supposed to follow my direction…. Even if she had a better idea of how to get us in unison.

“ What did you learn”

Sitting on the bank that evening, the words of my father echoed in the back of my mind over, and over again. Growing up whenever my brother or I made a mistake, misjudged a situation or a person, in general when things had gone amiss my dad would say” it happened, now what did you learn?”. As sure as I am a father, that question echoed in the recesses of my thoughts, it kept resurfacing as if I hadn’t acknowledged the possibility that I was being taught something new. After processing the entire situation completely a few times over, I was forced to answer that question, what had I learned. In fact, I was forced several times, in several more revelatory facets. One outcome was very clear, I had learned, I had been taught, I had been exposed to something I didn’t know before and now had a new more developed understanding on a few new fronts.

So my ability or inability to learn hadn’t been hindered or aided by my age, or by my sex, or my level of intellect. I however could be taught, and could teach as there are always at least two sides and experiences to any situation. Now while I had this interpersonal reconciliation with myself, the same had to be true for my then girlfriend right?

Instead of making that error again I discussed it with her that night. I shared my perspective, we discussed my experience and I allowed her access to my vulnerability in that situation. Which lead her to implicate her reservations, evaluate her true assimilations and commit to collaborative growth… rather than absolute blind obedience, and mindless memorization of almost truths...

Photo Credited to Ben Rossington

”Comparatively, teaching is the same… even if you are being taught by a seven-year-old at home the possibilities are still endless…..”

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Original work by DaddyK314