What Steemit is to Me

As a person with no known talents and as a new Steemit member (only a couple of days) Steemit is coming to mean A Lot to me.  I have chosen Steemit on a whim really and the recommendation of a friend @jessamynorchard from a post on fb. I was looking for a platform to open conversations and dialogue about what it's like living with invisible disabilities.  I personally have two, Traumatic Brain Injury and PTSD.  

I wanted a platform because more often than not people say to me, " You look fine to me" usually followed by " I wouldn't have known if you hadn't said anything".  Many would think that was a compliment and it is to a certain degree because honestly, no one with a disability wants to "look like a disabled person".  And I am thankful I don't, although in ways it makes it more difficult for me because it's almost like I have to prove that I have a disability and I'm Not Faking It.  Here's an example of this.  Once I went to the Social Security Administrations office to report something to a case manager there.  They'd sent me a letter regarding my Social Security Disability and I had to go in to speak to someone about it. It has always been very nerve racking there because they don't treat the disabled or poor community with any respect.  I usually left there in tears.  I grabbed a number when I came in, as per procedure and waited for my number to be called.  My number came up and I went to the window I was called to.  The man behind the counter looked at me, very polite at first and asked how he could help me.  I tried to explain that I was on Social Security Disability and got a letter and needed to speak with a case manager in the back.  Before I could finish the man interrupted me and said, "get to the point"  "I hate dealing with people like you" and under his breath I heard him say "fucking faker" Needless to say I asked for a manager and he wouldn't get one for me and threatened to call security to remove me if I didn't tell him what I was there for.  I explained I was trying but he kept interrupting me.  He threatened me again and loudly whispered something under his breathe.  This happened a few times.  Finally I said if you're not going to help me I will have security call the police and they'll get your supervisor. I took a seat and waited to be called to the back where the case managers were.  I got to the back and the case manager must've gotten a heads up from the first guy up front.  He had an attitude with me from the start.  I explained why I was there.  He would keep excusing himself for 15-20 minutes at a time seemingly just to make the experience worse for me.Not to get any forms or look up information he would just walk to the center offices where we couldn't see or were allowed.   At the end of the meeting I was threatened with a flag on my case and he yelled at me loud enough that everyone in the back seeing case managers stopped and turned around and stared. He verbally attacked me and my character.  Instead of an hour or two of being there which was usual with waiting and all I ended up spending 7 hours there and I left in tears again.  That was my experience back home at the SSA office every single time I had to go in there so I avoided it as much as I possibly could.  My case got "flagged" every time I went in there which means they think I'm faking it and I had to go through the whole process of them contacting my doctors and I had to jump through 50 hoops for something that I never thought I'd have to be on.  Even though I have medical doctors of many sorts that say I'm disabled and they have documentation and proof of that.  I have to prove it every time I go in there or need assistance with anything.  

I've been disabled for half of my life.  They have been mostly invisible with the exception of when I was in the hospital and had scars, bruises and scabs healing.  Although I fought it for years and kept trying and failing because I didn't want to be disabled or have to admit it.  I'd always had big plans for my future.  I was offered 6 full ride tennis scholarships and lost them all because of the accident.  I lost 4  of the family members I was closest to in 2 days time and I didn't get to go to any of their funerals or say goodbye.  My immediate family that still remained were gone.  Even I was different although I didn't understand that yet.  Every time they looked at me I could see it in their eyes.  I was a reminder of the great family tragedy.  I was a reminder that they died.  They were the glue that held the family together that got the family together on a regular basis because we all enjoyed each others company.  

I got side tracked.  I apologize.  What Steemit is to me is this.  It's a place to help raise awareness about invisible disabilities and what it's like for me living with one.  I lost my musical talent because of my injuries from the accident.  I could pick up any instrument and play it by ear.  I could also read music.  I wasn't a savant and it would take a little effort but I was very talented and a very quick learner and I was very passionate about my music.  I've never been an artist.  I've learned that being disabled in the world we live in is a courageous act although it shouldn't be.  I've learned that society doesn't understand what hasn't happened to them even if it has to someone they love.  I've learned that awareness needs to be raised because people need to know because not enough people are helping us in the fight.  I've learned that a supportive, more aware community is what all of us need so I'm trying to open a dialogue.  

So far I've only been on Steemit for a few days.  I have had great feedback and even made a couple of possible friends from all over the globe.    @looftee     #win10sbd  My goal is to open eyes, minds and hearts to others and make community happen @jessamynorchard  @housewhisper