My mom is dying.

in life •  last year

 About 6 months ago I lost my father.  I hadn't seen him in years because he was living in another country.  We had emailed back and forth for a few years.  Now my mother caught Pneumonia a few months ago.  That is the 3rd time she's gotten it this year.  She even got the vaccination for pneumonia.... I guess it shows how well the vaccination works.  She went back into the hospital last week they put her in the Pulmonary ICU.  The first report after a few days was that she was getting better.  Then the reports completely changed.  All of the sudden she wasn't getting better.  Yesterday we learned, after  a little over a week in the hospital that she has permanent damage to her lungs and needs a lung transplant.  She's in her 60's so there is only 1 hospital in the US that will do that surgery and it's in New York.  She probably won't make it long enough to get through the waiting list because she needs 24 hour care.  She's lost soo much weight and muscle mass that she can't even walk to the bathroom by herself.  So they released her to home with full time hospice care.  

I live in a different state than my immediate family.  I used to always be there for my mother but I moved away 3 years ago which means that my dad and my brother had to step up.  I'm realizing what horrible horrible people they are because all they do is complain about having to help her and visit her and they're mean to her.  (that's the short version).  So now I'm about a 16 hour drive away from there.  I have PTSD and can't ride with others and try not to drive too much because it triggers my PTSD.  So now I'm faced with how do I go see her?  I'm disabled so I'm on a fixed income.  I can go see her for a couple of days.... although I'd have to rent a car and drive and possibly get triggered so that's not the greatest option but probably the best.  Although I haven't driven more than a couple of miles per trip since my service animal died.  I haven't been able to afford another one yet.  It would be my first time driving any distance without my service animal and I don't know how well that will work out.   I could fly but don't have enough money for the ticket and I'd have to rent a car once I was there.  so my only option is to pray I don't get triggered and rent a car.  Here's the other problem.....

If I go now, I will not be able to afford to go to her funeral.  If I wait to go to her funeral then I wont be able to see her alive again.  I've been through too much mental and emotional abuse with my family.  I still love them very much but I don't really want to be around them.  I do want to see my mom though.  She can't talk on the phone because of her lungs so I can only text.  They don't know how much longer she'll last.  They're saying a couple of weeks to about 6 months for her survival.  ....    I guess I'm just venting.  I don't know what to do.  Thanks for reading.  

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I'm so sorry for your mom and your situation. I just lost my mom a month ago, and that wound is still fresh. But I was a mile away from her. I can't imagine what it would have been like being 16 hours away. But if I had to choose, I would have taken the opportunity to say goodbye while I still had the chance. I spent a lot of hours just sitting there next to the bed holding my mom's hand because I knew I'd never get that chance again. I cherish that time more than I do her funeral.


So sorry to hear about the loss of your mother Winston. Thanks for the advice. I'm not sure what's possible yet. Still getting things figured out. I hope you are well my friend. Sending you love.

That's a hell of a situation in which to find yourself! I hope that a couple of good options become available to you.


thank you. I'm hoping so as well :) I appreciate your response.