She's dying. Since I've found out about my mom being bedridden and a poor prognosis I've found myself very confused about the time. During some periods time seems to be going by way too fast and while reflecting it seems to have slowed down. The doctors are saying she could only have weeks or months to live. Of course, because it has to do with her lungs and her needing a transplant in her mid 60's if she gets a small amount of dust, bacteria or spores in her lungs that could quickly end it.
On one hand it seems like things are moving way too fast. It's a lot to take in. I can't believe her disease has progressed this much in just a short few months. The doctors are surprised too. This last bout with pneumonia did irreparable harm to her lungs and she "will not be getting better". She's home now but has hospice care now. Everything about what I should or can do goes through my head and all of the sudden time is moving at a snails pace.
I can't call because she can't breath well enough to talk. I text her and I may or may not hear back from her. I text or call my brother or dad and everyone seems to have different information. According to my brother, our mother has lost her mind. She's telling people she has a collapsed lung, lung cancer or whatever she says at that moment. She may have even told someone that she had a heart attack. Sometimes she just communicates to people that she's fine.
Time is moving really fast but also at a snails pace. I almost want to call it "rabbit paced turtle time" because I know it's conflicting and time is moving at the same rate it always has. It's just too fast and too slow at the same time. Thank you for reading.